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TRIGGER WARNINGS:: suicide
the live was going well, koda thought. he sat contently in between felix and seungmin as they watched the others discussing something he had tuned out of awhile ago. a small smile of admiration fell onto his lips as he watched the members silently. it wasn't long before he felt a hand snake around his waist, carefully avoiding the camera, and a head rested upon his shoulder. he smiled softly, his hand reaching up to play with the silvery blond mess of hair.
a sudden buzzing and muffled playing of the song ' what is love? ' by twice from his back pocket tore koda from his thoughts. he shuffled awkwardly, trying to get his phone from his pocket as he got up, muttering a quiet apology to felix, who pouted while watching koda get up. koda gave him an apologetic smile. he read the contact name of the caller, his smile quickly dropping as he stepped away from the camera and microphone.
kairy never called him. she hadn't texted him in a few months. she was currently in japan to visit for her birthday a few weeks ago, and was spending some time there with their siblings. something was wrong.
"oneesan?" koda spoke quietly, switching from the korean he was using to speak on the live to japanese. he felt his stomach churn at the hyperventilating sounds he heard from the other end of the line. "kairy? hello?"
"k-koda," kairy spoke like she had just finished crying. "koda, oh god, koda."
"what's wrong?" he asked her, confusion and fear trickling into his voice. "where's hina? is okaasan there?"
a sob sounded through the microphone, before someone's cursing was muffled. someone else had taken the phone from kairy. "koda? how quickly can you fly over?"
he stumbled over his words at hina's question. "hina? what's going on? i-i can't fly over, we're preparing for comebacks and releases. just tell me what happened, please."
there was a long pause, and koda felt himself holding his breath. "haru died, koda. we found him in the garage... he killed himself. we need you to come over to help organize..."
nothing else made sense to koda. hina's words were muffled. a weight that was previously in his hand was suddenly gone, a muffled sound of something dropping making it to his ears. he stared at the same one spot on the wall as his vision blurred, from tears or from lack of oxygen caused by him unintentionally holding his breath, he couldn't work out. his chest felt tight and his head felt like it was spinning. did the room always move? he could barely make out the sharp pain that stung his knees, the feeling of something warm streaming down his cheeks. did someone say his name?
jisung's eyes widened when he first saw koda drop his phone. "yah! koda!" his eyebrows furrowed when he didn't respond. jisung's failed attempt to communicate with the second youngest member caused the other members to look over in curiosity. chan quickly stood up when he saw koda fall to his knees, looking at the staff members, who looked equally panicked at koda's sudden
