Kaleidoscope

Motif 1 : Monochrome

October 4 :

The sky was dark in a deep shade of ink blue and the gusty wind ran in circles that slowly spiralled into an inescapable maze, slyly capturing everyone prisoners. People were hastily running to take shelter under the big roofs of the campus buildings, trying to escape the monstrous downpour that was yet to come .

October in New York has always been this grimy. The rains were intermittent, just pausing for a little while to catch their breaths before unleashing their might again. Everything living would long for the sun and the warmth that enveloped them like a big blanket.

I was nestled comfortably in the library armed with hot rosemary tea and my research papers observing the mayhem outside through the pane glass window. Some kind of classical music was playing through my headphones, the sweet yet melancholy melody of the violin and cello filling my ears. I did not bother to know who the composer was or what the piece was called. I only listened to it because it helped me focus and concentrate on my work and also because it served as the perfect tool to deflect any possible human contact that would arise on a daily basis.

Looking out through the window though, the room I was in felt detached from the outside world . A calming silence inside, a deathly contrast to the noisy chaos outside.

The library of the campus was huge inside with lots of seating areas beside windows to allow some natural light to flow in. But on a stormy day like this, one had to depend on the fluorescent lights that did little justice. The walls were dully painted in cream that I was sure would soon turn into a mucky yellow, not to mention, it was hardly appealing. On the other hand, all the shelves were a disturbingly dark blood-red mahogany which were alarming more than inviting and even the chair I was currently sitting on, was a boring shade of green. The books that usually gave the library its life, brightly coloured with different patterns, textures and various fonts adorning the pages, today, however, seemed lifeless. Maybe it had something to do with the weather. People often said that the brain being a very complex structure could change the mood of a person based on its perception of the world before it. And nevertheless, nature too always did find a way to seep into us and play with our emotions. I guess today would be an example of one such day .

Staring out, I found that everything looked black and white to me. All the colours were either light enough to take refuge in white or dark enough to stand side by side with black. And to me, people were the same too. I reckon people were only of two kinds - good and bad, pure and evil. They were either good enough to be able to wash away their sins or bad enough to be buried in them and I, was buried far deep down. Too deep for redemption. 

You see, I was one of those few unfortunate souls who was born different from the rest. I had exceptional intelligence they said, a mind that was capable of extraordinary thinking. But only if they knew the suffering that came with it. I learnt early in my life that for me to look normal and fit in with the rest, I had to master my mind over my heart. I couldn't afford to make rash emotion-driven decisions. I had to be calm and in control, learning to mask my emotions and be ignorant, distancing myself from everyone, even those dear to me. Solitude was my best companion and intelligence, my best asset which eventually landed me in one of the most premier institutions in the world studying numbers and analysing it. Mathematics intrigued me and I found the sheer complexity of it to be alluring but I feared recognition. Hence, I preferred living in the shadows so that no one would have to know the real dark-inked soul of mine .