The Aftermath (A Fyolai story)

'Please come back to me'

Side Note: English is not my first language so there might be some grammatical errors in some parts of the story, if there is any, I am terribly sorry for that.

'..'

The sound of silence was loud, all that could be heard were the soft breathes of the jester. He had finally accomplish his goals from the beginning; kill his beloved dearest friend, but at what cost? Footsteps moved further away from Nikolai, Dazai and Chuuya leaving the poor man alone to grief over the lost. All that was left of Fyodor Dostoevsky was his right arm, with the same injury that caused his tragic death. Nikolai could only hold it close to his body, his emotions were all over the place. 

On one hand, he was happy that Fyodor was dead, yet a feeling lingered inside of him. It was almost unexplainable on how much his chest tightened and how his stomach curled up like a cat in a sleeping position when it was not adapted to its surroundings. Nikolai felt a water drop on his hand, yet the weather was good as his it could be, the night wind cold and flowing the albino's long hair with it. Nikolai wiped the tears which fell from his emerald green and baby blue eyes, the numbness growing inside of him.

Nikolai hated how he could not explain what the feeling inside of him was, it was something he had never felt before in his lifetime.. at least not what he accepted. There had been a few times which he so felt this, which was when he was around Fyodor. It was a fuzzy like feeling, making the man's heart beat faster and a reddish color appear on his face. Most of the time, Nikolai would catch himself staring at the raven haired man, taking in all the features of his face. The feature that always stood out the most was Fyodor's amethysts-coloured eyes, which sparkled and shined brightly in Nikolai eyes.

After awhile, Nikolai started to notice a repetitive pattern in things around Fyodor. To say the least, he did kiss or make out with Fyodor a couple times, but those were merely moments of lust and desire, or was it? Nikolai started to doubt himself, the question of 'Am I actually homosexual?' circled in the albino's head, he had always shrugged it off as a friendly thing that most people do with their friends, yet, here he was reconsidering so.

"Barely even a few minutes after you perished to join the heavens and angels, and here I am, grieving over your dead body" Nikolai says outlaid to nobody in particular, he just needed to get it off his chest. Nikolai starts to have flashbacks to moments in his life where Fyodor would light up his day. Memories started to come back all at once, ranging from delightful to sorrowful, either way, it all included Fyodor in each and every one of them.

"Oh god.. look how much your death has affected me Fedya, you must be laughing yourself off in Hell my dear" Nikolai says out loud, again to nobody in particular. From a distance, the Double black duo watch as Nikolai had a small breakdown, sobbing and crying over a corpse. "Why would somebody want to waste their tears mourning over that dead sewer rat?" Dazai asks jokingly, chuckling like a psycho. Chuuya smacks Dazai in the back of the head, earning an "Ow!" from Dazai

 ┍━☽【❖】☾━┑

It had been at least 3 days since the passing of fellow members Sigma, Fukuchi, and Fyodor. Nikolai lays on his bed, thinking about all his life decisions. For the past few days, he had been thinking none stop of the black haired raven, and he was constantly haunting Nikolai's mind. Despite his original goals to rid of Fyodor, Nikolai felt sad and empty inside, as if his heart was thorn apart into two pieces. Apart from the already loud voices,  Nikolai sometimes started to hear Fyodor calling out for him, hallucinations of Fyodor also seem to be in his room as well.