Pain of Living

September 2023

2023 - 09 - 21

I love how I reached out to so many people, and yet, I got nothing in return, no callbacks, no text of them reaching out. I guess, I'm tired of giving everyone everything I have and letting myself crumple more and more. I feel others' pain a lot. It consumes me. I get lost in pain, that's why I don't feel it anymore. That pain, the one I soak up from people, the one I take away from people, makes me feel like I'll be too much of a burden for others. It's the pain that I have that no one seems to understand because I Can't talk about it without being a burden to society. I'm already wasting time, resources, and effort. I'm becoming that someone who just exists, who whos crumblingily. The one who tries not to cry, but then cries themselves to sleep every night, and thinks about suicide, but doesn't have the guts for it, because there are people who need to let their pain out because the pain that I feel is a mass of everyone. When people don't say anything about how they're racing, it's cheering me apart. I want to be that person who helps people, I guess I have a fear that I have to be of use or else I'm nothing, even though I know in reality that I'm not needed.