Atonement

The Porcelian Ballerina

Warning: Extreme angst

Ma Begum wasn't one to be easily swayed but here she was nearly in tears. She had spent a restless night just taking in the dramatic events of the day. While a diverse range of emotions affected her, there were some more dominant than the others. There was shock at the way Haya had turned out. She was ashamed of how blind she had been to the unrepentant snake she was caring for in her own household- the snake who had destroyed her family. Well, almost. It was the grace of the Almighty that Meerab had walked in when she had. Ma Begum felt a jolt of guilt when she thought of Meerab- the amount of pain that the girl had to endure because of her. It goes without saying that Meerab's stubborn nature and yet unapologetic demeanor had often resulted in raising Ma Begum's ire. Yet her daughter in law, her niece deserved better.

" Aapne usse kabhi beti nahin samjha, Bhabi. Mariyam aur Haya ki Tarah woh bhi is ghar Ki beti hi thi lekin hamesha uske saath gairo jaisa hi sulook kiya gaya.." ( You never thought of her as a daughter of this house. She is also a daughter of this household like Haya and Mariyam. But she was always treated like an outsider)

Anwar's accusation at the breakfast table hit the bull's eye and when the door to Murtasim's room opened, Ma Begum found she couldn't meet Meerab's eyes and yet she was frantically looking to hold her little granddaughter. She had woken up much much earlier than usual in the excitement of finally holding her.

She was still wary of her standing with Meerab and hence kept her yearning in check. Meerab came to stand in front of her and she held out the baby towards her.

" Meesam, yeh aapki Dadijaan" she said brightly to her daughter.

" Me-Meesam?" Ma Begum asked quietly eyeing the little wonder with stars in her eyes. The child was dressed in a pink onesie with her hair held to the side with a matching clip. She was small but very aware. Her bright eyes were curiously scanning everyone and everything and her tiny hand clutched to Meerab ever so often.

" MashaAllah bahut pyara naam hai" Anwar said loudly. He brought out a bundle of cash and waved it over the child's head and handed it to a servant.

" Yeh aap kya kar rahe hai?" Meerab asked gently and Anwar excitedly laughed " Sadqay utar raha hoon apni nawasi ka..itni pyari jo hai"

He lifted Meesam off her lap and gently kissed her forehead. " Meesam, main apka Nana"

Meesam eyed him suspiciously, her hand still clutching onto her mother. Meerab shot a smile at Anwar who was making silly faces to try and entice Meesam to come at him. She turned to face Ma Begum who was still frozen and staring at the child with something akin to wonder. Her eyes met Meerab's and she said " Meesam? Meerab and Murtasim ki Meesam?"

Her question coincided with Murtasim's entry and suddenly Meerab felt self conscious. She had named her with care. She had thought long and hard about what to call her- the long dark days of her pregnancy when she felt utterly alone, when she questioned every single decision she had made, when guilt entrapped her and fear engulfed her. She had named her daughter after her father. Murtasim ki Meesam. It was the connection she wanted to bless her daughter with. Her father's name.
Color bloomed in her cheeks and she said " I liked the meaning. It means symbol of beauty. And it also matched with both our names"

She could feel Murtasim's eyes on her but he didn't say anything. Ma Begum nodded " Main Meesam ko thoda sa pyar karlu?"

The question was tentative and hesitant and it broke Meerab's heart to see her domineering mother in law be so timid. She turned her baby towards her and said " Meesam, tumhari Dadijaan hai. Da- di.."

Meesam blinked at her and then at her grandmother who was closer to her now and said " Daaaa .. deee?"

And that was it took for the woman with nerves of steel and a cutting tongue to burst into tears. Ma Begum kissed the tiny outstretched hand and sobbed like she hadn't for decades. It took everyone by surprise. Murtasim put a consoling arm around his sobbing mother who pulled her granddaughter in her arms.