Atonement

Worthy

Meesam Murtasim Khan was loved from the moment she came into this world. She became the reason for her mother to persevere and to survive. Meerab knew that she would die to give her the life she deserves. She had often questioned as she saw the reflection of Murtasim in her daughter when she had done right by keeping him away. Sabah had, by a few carefully chosen words, opened the can of worms and she was forced to acknowledge that she had to return.

For Meesam. And maybe even for herself.

As she stood on the doorway, watching the grand grand room that was to become Meesam's she knew she had made the correct decision. The chosen room for Meesam was right next to their en-suite and Murtasim had insisted on a connecting door.

It stood in sharp contrast to their room. It was painted in a very delicate shade of lilac. The trim was painted a warm cream and light flooded in from the gorgeous windows. She moved closer, trying to work out what was different about the windows only to realise they were completely unlike anything in the rest of the building. Real French doors with wooden trim and glass panes, opening out onto a completely enclosed courtyard lined with aged brick and filled with flowers.

She looked out the romantic glass doors to the terrace garden. She needed air. Leaning over enough her hand just grasped the handle enough to release the lock and the glass door swung back. It took a moment but a very gentle breeze slowly carried a garden of delicate scents into the baby's room. She closed her eyes and inhaled, unprepared for the emotion to flood over her like a rising tide she couldn't hope to fight against. It smelled wonderful. The nursery was a mere step away from the big empty bed. Only if you intended to get up in the middle of the night and tend your infant offspring would you need to be that close. And there were no nanny's quarters nearby.

There was a single rocking chair. Thankfully she perched on it, admiring the perfect placement of the cushioned arms as she settled. It wasn't just beautiful, it was incredibly comfortable. She realised as she propped her elbows up that you were supposed to be holding Meesam when you sat here.

She quickly stopped admiring the chair. Instead her eyes travelled over the room. Besides the tin soldiers, a bookshelf had also appeared. She could see various children's books picked out.

She smiled and closed her eyes imagining the room filled with Meesam's toys. Almost every day Murtasim came back with a bag full of toys for his baby girl. So much so Meesam had started toddling towards him with outstretched chubby arms and mumbling " Moocha t- toys?"

The door to the nursery opened and she sat up. It was Anwar Khan. He had a sheepish look on his face. She stood up " Ji?"

His eyes dropped to his hands and the fragile package he was holding.

"I have something. For the –"

He removed the tissue wrapped object his its box. Meerab looked at his hands curiously as she looped a piece of wire around his finger and gently lifted. A wood and glass mobile emerged, odd shapes twisted together. She looked closer and realised the delicate shards weren't completely glass but hand painted with due care.

"It's a carousel," he explained, teasing the pieces with his fingers.

They slowly untangled, revealing seven different animal shapes each smaller than a fist and carved perfectly in a light coloured wood. In the middle of each animal was a hollow centre, with a precious gem suspended to catch the light. It was captivating, precious, and utterly unique.

"I thought it could hang by the window to catch the light," Anwar hopefully revealed, stepping back into the room. He was waiting for her permission and she nodded.

It seemed to give him more confidence. " Tumhara tha. We bought this for you.. for your nursery. Nadia handpicked it."

Meerab turned back, clearly not expecting this revelation. As she grieved her Baba, she had forgotten this wasn't the first parent she lost. The wound which had been open for so long had festered but she was determined to heal it. Her eyes closed, praying for strength.