Atonement

To Begin with a Kiss

Murtasim had always been observant. He was taught from an early age to observe and understand the unsaid. And even if he was proficient in it, there was no hiding the truths that Meerab's eyes told.

Her eyes were the most expressive of what she was feeling-and since he was eight he could tell when Meerab was lying by her eyes. They had a funny way of giving her away- not to everyone – For Meerab could wear the perfect mask for others. For him her eyes never could mask her true emotions.

It was in her eyes that he saw her absolute helplessness for the first time on their Walima night. It was her eyes which had given him tasali always even when she denied her heart or her feelings. It was those eyes that made him believe that his love wasn't unreciprocated. That her heart beat for him too; she just kept it very well hidden.
It was then that he had felt his heart could beat again. And ever since then her eyes had depths of feelings within them when they gazed out at him- longing, passion, lust and love- as well as helplessness and betrayal. Even that night he had seen her eyes filling with tears as she told him that she did not love him and that he was a lowly creature undeserving of any emotion. The eyes so beautiful and so loving were filled with sadness- with the thought of what could have been or what can't never be- he did not know.

And yet now, he couldn't look into her eyes. He was scared of what he might see there- hatred or even worse fear.
Clenching his fist he moved towards the edge of the rock staring down at the water .The view was spectacular. He had once believed this to be his peaceful place. The rock that rested upon there, a silent witness to his growth- from a selfish boy to a stoic leader.

But from where Murtasim stood today he could not see anything remotely peaceful.The scene was beautiful but all he could see was ugly and hideous.

All he could see was him- unworthy of any kind of love.

She had spoken the truth that night. He didn't deserve any kind of affection or attention-least of all he deserved love. Waqas Chacha was right; he didn't deserve Meerab and they shouldn't have entrusted her to him.

He deserved all that fate threw at him. Years of loneliness and absence of any kind of emotional contact and the desperate need to fill up his empty life. He did not deserve friends and neither did he deserve any kind of affection in anyone's heart. He was depraved and soulless.

He didn't deserve Meerab or his Meesam.

Murtasim was pathetic for he alone did not understand the price he was paying for winning the game of ego. He alone was stupid enough not to understand what he was risking for his Ana.

Malik Zubair was right too. He was stupid.He hadn't understand the game Haya was playing and had played right into her hands. He had been outwitted.

Malik Zubair- the man he had proclaimed a villain. Even he was a better man than Murtasim was. He had abducted both Mariyam and Meerab but he had not touched the pristine princess – he had let her go- The dark monster had protected the princess when the prince himself had thrown the princess to the evil spell.

It was a demonic fairytale.

He was no prince but she was always the princess.He closed his eyes grimacing against the pain in his chest.

And suddenly he was a mischievous eight year old again. It was summer vacation and Meerab was sitting there too.

He sat scowling at the poolside. Ma Begum had suggested that he should play with girl with brown hair.

He scowled. Playing with girls was beneath him.They had cooties and he disliked them on principle. They were too loud and giggly.

'Hey!"He called loudly. The girl looked up surprised. She had amazing brown eyes. He stared at the bright eyes which seemed to be saying something to him and then he shook his head.