Good enough

five

I don't know what happened last night. I remember talking to Sunyoung, Jeongin's mother, but my memory is really blurry.

It was 3am after all so I was quite tired. But I woke up really tired too, even tho I slept for 10 hours. Maybe I slept too much? Or was I in such a shock and then just forgot everything? But Gun-il didn't call me, so I wonder what happened to him.

14.55pm 20/5/2018

Jung: Hey, are you okay?

Me: I'm fine I think... Why?

Jung: Gun-il said that he found out something pretty serious.

Me: But he didn't call me last night?

Jung: He didn't? Really? Why wouldn't he call you?

Me: I don't know... But Jeongin's mother called me.

Jung: What? Why would she so suddenly call you, and how did she even get your number? Plus at 3am...

Me: Well the thing is, I forgot everything that happened last night. And I have no idea how. It kind of creeps me out...

Jung: You don't remember anything?

Me: I don't. Maybe I was in such a shock
state that my mind forgot to process everything.

Jung: Well, that is a possibility, but it's still a really strange occurence.

Me: I know right... I don't know what to do.

Jung: Maybe you should call Gun-il and see what he has to say.

Me: Well that sounds good. Bye for now.

The calling still gets me really nervous, but this is for the sake of Jeongin so I'll be fine.

"Hey, Gun-il, I heard you found out something, but you didn't call me last night and I'm just wondering why, and what did you found out?" I asked him while trying to steady my breathing.

"I'm really sorry, but I can't talk right now. Jooyeon needs my help with something. I promise I'll call you later."

"Oh, okay then... Bye" I hung up disappointed. I've almost lost my trace of hope now. But I'm sure he'll call me later. I just really hope I'll get some information soon.

Gun-il's POV

"Jooyeon, can you tell me what's wrong?" I asked the teary boy on the phone while walking to his house.

"I don't, I don't know... My hands started shaking suddenly and I just feel like I couldn't breathe anymore. Can you please hurry up? I'm really sorry I'm bothering you like this so s-suddenly but I don't... I don't know what to do hyung."  This has happened a few times lately, but Jooyeon won't tell me why he keeps having panic attacks.

It makes me quite sad thinking that he sometimes tries to get through this alone. Nobody should be alone.

"I am almost there Joo, don't cry, it will be okay. I promise" I said to him trying to be emphatetic. I am probably not the best with words, but my friends tell me that I have always been really reliable, so I guess I'm underestimating myself.

Now I just hear sniffing on the phone. I think Joo calmed down a bit, but I know panic attacks cannot be completely calmed down so easily. I have read a lot of stuff about panic/anxiety disorders on the internet and it is really useful to know about this stuff, because you never know what people are going through.

I knock on the door and hear sloppy steps from inside the house. It doesn't sound like Joo's usual energetic footsteps at all, but I understand, because he probably is really weary right now.

"H-hi, hyung. I'm really sorry to bother you like this..." Jooyeon said with his tired puffy eyes.

"Joo, it's okay. I am here for you. Are you feeling fine now?"

"Does it look like it?"

"Well, not really... Come here." I took him in my arms tightly. We rarely hug, but tight hugs are good for panic attacks and Joo really looked like he needed a hug.

"Thank you for coming hyung, really. I know it's so sudden, but you were the first person I thought of." Joo said with a relieved look on his face. I hugged him even tighter, since I felt like crying too, but I don't want Joo to notice it.

I know that it's fine to cry and all, but this just seems a better thing to do.

"I'm always here for you. Now, is there anything you'd like to do?"

"Uhh... I don't know hyung. I just kinda want to cuddle right now if that's fine. Ah, sorry I said that.." Joo looked at me now feeling embarrassed at the eye contact.

"No no, we can cuddle."

This is probably the second time we're cuddling like this.
Jooyeon seems to be kinda cold, but it's good that I can warm him up like this. He seems to be really comfortable in this position.

"Joo. Are you awake?"

It's been like 30 minutes since we started cuddling, but it seems like he fell asleep, but I don't mind at all. He clearly needed comfort.

/ uhmm i wrote this draft AGES AGO, and i just thought maybe i should publish it but idk, how should i continue now😭