Boots and Billionaires

4~Them City Boys

Maisie's pov
June 8th

It's crazy to think today, 3 years ago. My mother found her peace. Last night was tough. Tougher than last year was. I'd hoped for a long time that she'd get better for my dad and I, and she did. She was okay, until she just wasn't. Her body was never the same afterwards, and she hated it. Or at least that's what it seemed like. She hated herself enough to want to take herself away from her child and husband. She was anorexic for the last 6 years of her life, I'm surprised she stayed as long as she did to be honest. All I wish is that I understood enough about her illness to help her with it. Then again, I was only fifteen when she passed, so I probably could have if I'd gone homeschooled and stayed with her. It's fucked that all I can think about is if I'll end up like her.

"Alright darlin' you need to come see me for dinner. Just you and whoever you're comfortable with." Aunt Jane moved out here after momma passed, and she's been by my side since. Not a day goes by where she doesn't let me know I'm gonna be okay, except for last night. She knows about my uhm.. eating disorder? If you can even call it that. I'm sure it's like a form of ptsd from losing her sister in law. "Yes ma'am, it'll probably be just me and Luce." She nods to me and proceeds to let her full attention sink into the dishes again. I walk out of her place and take in the early rise of the sun. I look at the ground as I begin to walk down the stares, keeping my eyes locked on the ground until I get to Camdyn's porch. Then, I turn back around and decide for some alone time while I do chores.

"Mornin' Mais." I want to roll my eyes and cry at the sound of her voice, but I turn around and do neither. I look up and see her on our porch and give her a nod and a half smile. "You okay, dear?" I bring a full smile to my face so I don't cry. Then I start to laugh so I don't cry.. and it won't stop. Lucille suddenly runs off the porch and wraps her arms around me when she gets to me. She hugs me tightly while we stand in the middle of every house on the property. I'm laughing loudly, but it isn't a happy laugh. It's a laugh that sounds sad and scared, just how I'm feeling. I've yet to cry since my birthday last year, just another birthday without momma. "I'm fine, Luce." I squeak the words out with a cracked voice, praying she lets go of me. "No you aren't, Maisie." She pulls her hands to my face, looking deep into my glossy eyes. "I can see it." I shake my head rapidly while staring into her bright green eyes. "I'm fine. Really." I'm still shaking my head when I feel the tears fall down my cheek. "Stop, Mais. It's okay to feel sad."

Then, as if my whole body has given out on me. I fall into her arms and begin to cry so hard it hurts to breathe. We go down to the ground as my knees give out, her arms not once leaving me. Now, here she is sitting in the driveway, her expensive pajamas in the dirt, my head on her chest. "Is everything alright?" I hear Camdyn's voice loud and worried, then I hear feet down the stairs of the porch. "She's gonna be okay." Lucille's strong voice rumbles her chest, like a protective mother with a hurt child. I shake my head rapidly, covering the sides of my face with my hands. I let out every ounce of pain I've been holding since last July. My 18th birthday that absolutely drained me. "Mais? Do you wanna stay home today? I can handle the boys if you'd like." I don't move, I don't reply. I just cry into her chest and ignore the whole world around me. "We don't have to go if it's too much." Camdyn's now calm voice is enough to slow down my pounding chest, the pain only easing for a second. Weird. After yesterday? And what he said? I can't let his presence affect me. Let alone his voice.

Then a moment of silence goes by, one of Lucille's hands no longer around me. Her chin is no longer closing the space between my head and her chest. I don't bother looking up when she does this, my head is pounding and my chest is aching. "Camdyn's gonna take you to see your aunt. 'Kay?" I lift my head quickly and stare at Lucille with horror. "She can't know I'm crying. I told her I was fine." My hands go to my eyes and rub harshly. I try and quickly stand up, but it only leads to my knees giving out on me again. I suddenly fall into another body standing behind me, my dizzy, fogged eyes doing me no good when I look around. I know it's Camdyn, but I don't move. I just lay my back against the tall body behind me and close my eyes. "Then he can go with you to see her. I can do your chores for the day. Just take some you time, dear. You can't let this eat you alive." I put my hands on my ears now, getting overwhelmed at how much louder the voices have become, how little space I can feel around me, and just how hot my face has become. "Carry her to the truck over there, Camdyn. I'll be out in like 5 minutes."