𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 - Matt Sturniolo

ᴇʟᴇᴠᴇɴ

࿇ ══━━━━✥ Aurora ✥━━━━══ ࿇

When I came home, my dad was fortunately not there.

"Hey, favorite sister. Are you okay?" asked Phoebe when she came out of the kitchen.

I was still confused for the feelings for Matt and I didn't know how to deal with it.

Suddenly I heard myself speaking without being able to control it. "I think I'm in love with Matt."

AmI? Omg yes I am. I was in love with Matt. I don't know how that happened but it was not good.

Phoebe's eyes widened and she looked at me in disbelief.

"WHAT?" she cried. "That's great." She said, grinning broadly and then fidgeting.

"That's not great! Phoebe This is the worst thing that could have happened."

"Oh god no. Why would you think that?"

"I'm going to break him."

"What are you babbling about? Why do you see everything so negatively? I can see how happy he makes you. And you already look much happier. And maybe he can make you love yourself more, maybe you'll finally get healthy."

When I didn't answer and just looked at her, she slapped me lightly on the shoulder.

"Oh, come on. You would be so sweet. Do you want to avoid any relationship forever and be sad and lonely forever? Come on, give yourself and him a chance."

"Okay."

"Come on- Wait what ?" she said, apparently thinking I had said something against it again. I nodded.

"Oh my god. Yes yes yes." she screamed and hugged me.

The rest of the day passed. I lay in my bed and stared at the ceiling. Matt had written to me but I hadn't answered him. He sent me some tiktoks and wrote that it reminded him of us and stuff.

And why I didn't answer? Because I did not know how. I couldn't act like just a friend now. My feelings were too confused for that, even though they were so clear.

He had also called me but I just looked at the cell phone screen and didn't answer. It did not drive me crazy.

I had told Phoebs that I would give me and Matt a chance, but what if he didn't feel the same way I did and how could I tell him? And if he doesn't feel the same way I do, not only will the friendship between us be ruined, but also with his brothers, and that scared me.

And on Sunday I decided to do something I had never done before. I went to the cemetery, to my mother's grave.

The gravestone was at the end of the cemetery, hers was the last of the row next to a bench. I sat down and looked at his tombstone.

I missed her, so much. Without her, everything had gone off the rails, without her, nothing worked anymore. Friendships, the relationship with my father and I myself were broken.

And I thought about how disappointed she would be in me. That I had gone so broken, that I had screwed up to look after my sister and that I had let my father develop into such a monster.

I leaned back and held the bridge of my nose to keep from bursting into tears. "I'm sorry mom, this is all my fault."

"It's not, sweetheart." I heard her voice say and I opened my eyes. And there she was, sitting next to me, smiling. This could not be real. I didn't understand what was happening.

"You are not to blame, Aurora. It was fate"

"Mom? How?" My voice broke

"You have to hear this, sweetie. Nothing is your fault. It wasn't your job to take care of Phoebe. It was your father's. And your father becoming this person isn't your fault either." This couldn't be real.

"But..."

"There is no but. Nobody will blame you for falling into your depression, sweetheart. Not me, not the boys, not your father and not Phoebe."

I just looked at her in disbelief and shook my head. My head was forming things that I didn't think were cool.

Then she gave me a warm smile. "It's time Aurora. Leave the past behind you. Move on. Give yourself the chance to be happy, give yourself and matt the chance. He's a good guy and I know he'll make you happy."

"This isn't real, is it?" I asked and she shook her head.

"No, sweetie, it's not. I am dead, this exists only in your head." She said and turned to me and kissed my forehead.

Then she leaned back, stroked my cheek and smiled at me. "I'm proud of you, no matter what, I always will be." Were her last words, when I blinked the next time she was gone.

And I sat there and started to the place where I had just seen them. I got up and went to my car. Now I already had halunisazionen of my deceased mother and that scared me.

But it had seemed so real. And the way she had phrased and spoken the sentences sounded like her. Did my brain want to tell me that I had the right to be happy again after these 2 years of horror?