Bullets In A Cold Winter Breeze

Chapter One No More Tics, No More Tocs

**Dalyla Point Of View** 09/10/2014 (Wednesday, 11:13 A.M, Central Time Zone/CTZ)

The cruel, greedy, and howling wind mindlessly threads through my eardrums and soft butterscotch skin as if I don't have on the heavy brown needled mink Toc gifted me last Christmas. A day he'd never had reason to celebrate until I came into his life. Now his presence has left mine forever. Self-pity binds my heart like a boy scouts manila rope, and I wince at the pain I feel right on the tender spot where he'd kiss me before I fell asleep in his strong coffee bean-toned arms.

The vicious, gloom-covered gray skies threaten never to allow the sun another appearance as the clouds stretch as far as my hazy eyes can see. No rain is in the forecast, only my sorrow and pain. The atmosphere's shadows not only perfectly describe the diverse dismal differentiating feelings I have bubbling inside me but also suffocate any hope of a smile for the day. Not that I would grin if it was sunny, but I can't even simulate a smirk with this murky and forever depressing world cascading additionally grim.

"I love you, baby. You are my entire world." I promise as I place my tear soaked lips on the cold and unforgiving tombstone of my man. Begrudgingly, because of the pressure from everyone else who's ready to go, I give the rock one last kiss before wobbling away. Yet, the moment I turn around I'm left with even more sorrow.

Every last one of Toc's soldiers, buried next to him or standing waiting to depart, stares at me. Pointing the blame of the deaths directly at me. Knowing only one way to deflect, I conceal my face from the deadly gazes by watching my feet. However, that's quickly revealed as a mistake. All of their spilled blood is the concrete that I'm walking on.

"Aye, let me holla at you fah a minute, D... Look, slime ain't eva love nobody like you. You was down with him fo-real, and I applaud that loyalty. Still, don't think just because Toc dead, you can get loose and shit. Niggas who hated Toc, prolaly gon try come around and fawk witchu. I ain't havin it. Until I get shot and killed, you betta not fawk nobody, or I'll send you up to Toc so you can explain why you was fawking another nigga. Ya dig?" The face-tatted goon explains, tugging at his pistol as if he needs any more emphasis.

The way his heinous pupils daringly cling to my eyes asserts even further than his words or his taunts that he's looking for me to get out of line just so he can be the one to kill me. I'm beyond convinced his words are terms and conditions I never had a choice not to agree to.

Even with Toc doing his best to shield me from all his enemies, who he worked with, and even the people who worked for him, I'm not foolish. I'm well aware that Toc's organization handles things as quickly as they occur, and once they've declared something is going to happen, it materializes. The exact reason I know whoever Toc's killer is won't have much longer to live.

The goon's eyebrows raise to hear confirmation that I understand his threats. Yet with my dry mouth sticking together as if I've only eaten honey and peanut butter and haven't had the time to brush my teeth or wash my face since I first heard of the death nine days ago, no words form. Not only is my mouth immobilized to the utmost extent, but my entire being is paralyzed. I've just buried my rock. How could anyone expect me to conversate?

The irony of it all nearly breaks me down completely. The whole reason my soul stopped counting time and just enjoyed the precious Tics was because of Toc. Now I've got nothing but time to reflect on all the losses it brings. Not only has it already skewered my soul, but it's also grinding away at my heart and giving me mental lapses that feel twice as gruesome as an aneurysm. Which all boils down to me being completely lost on what to do next. The worst part is that I'm no longer thinking just for me; I've got a little bit of life in me.

The life that Toc would have excitedly helped me raise and protect, exactly how he defended and upgraded me. Exactly how my family and the previous men promised protection should have. However, Toc was the only person to treat my life like it had any meaning. He never ripped my heart out in the process of loving me, and yet, I still find my heart has been yanked out of my chest in his absence which dictates him to be gone forever. And with him, my purpose in life.