cheolsoo • The Society of The Shadow / Eng ver.

5. Goodnight/goodbye

Jeonghan didn't get the chance to question Joshua about his secret affair since Seungcheol apparently felt worried about his little lover, and they both returned to the dorm, leaving Jeonghan and Mingyu awkwardly standing on the gloomy street together.

Mingyu glanced at Jeonghan's clothes and every bare inch of his skin. He breathed a sigh of relief when he noticed no blood or scars. But before Mingyu could open his mouth and ask to take Jeonghan home, the ex-boyfriend abruptly cut him off.

Jeonghan stated, "I will walk."

That lead Mingyu to follow Jeonghan's first steps with a frustrated look on his face. He knows that Jeonghan is stubborn and will do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. Mingyu would never stop him as long as it makes Jeonghan happy. But, given the dreadful event that has just occurred, the boy adds patiently:

"It's not safe. Let me make a transit gate to your dorm."

Jeonghan gave a faint smile.

"I can do it on my own. Thank you."

Mingyu grabbed Jeonghan's arms on the spur of the moment to stop him from walking away. He looks Jeonghan in the eyes, making them both face each other. Jeonghan then saw a hint of the truth — a tiny glimmer of emotion that Mingyu had been wanting to show him for months. It's only a little, yet it makes Jeonghan's heart race.

"Then go ahead and do it. Do it in front of me," Mingyu said, "Let me see that you return safely, or you'll have to go with me."

Jeonghan struggled to free his arm from the grip. Mingyu is just too strong. Obviously, he could never beat the boy bare-handed.

Jeonghan looked away, pointed his wand at a door, and said:

"Portaotis."

Mingyu finally freed Jeonghan from his grasp. But how bittersweet it is, Jeonghan caught a glimpse of regret when the boy let go of his arm. It was such an unnerving moment that Jeonghan had to turn his head away, grind his teeth, and speak faintly to Mingyu, almost as if they were strangers:

"Thank."

And it broke him. Deep down, he knew that all of these bland attitudes were unfair to Mingyu. He did not deserve it.

"How come you're still running? Why won't you talk to me?"

Mingyu speaks up without any expectation to receive an answer from Jeonghan. He asked the same questions a thousand time. It imprinted in every corner of his mind. Day by day, he kept giving his heart out until his consious became wiser and started to ask himself: what if Jeonghan hate him? Eventually, he stopped sending letter and gave them both time to heal after breaking up. He doesn't want them to be this awkward.

But why, why Jeonghan is still running?

"I thought I made myself clear."

"You did, after all. And we broke up. But we're not done if you keep running away from me as if I'm nothing. Like we were nothing. I need an explanation, Jeonghan."

Although he went through a healing process, it didn't help him forget about Jeonghan and their priceless time together, nor did he want to forget. He treasured every moment.

"It's not about the breakup."

Mingyu finally pushed Jeonghan to speak up about their situation after six months of silence. Despite he weren't prepared himself enough for the truth or anything Jeonghan was about to say, he wishes to hear it.

However, Mingyu quickly regrets it after seeing Jeonghan sweating and hardly breathing. He noticed a hint of uneasiness and panic on Jeonghan's face. So he took a short step back, removed the keen, and reflected on how selfish he was to push Jeonghan to confront him about the truth.