ENCHANTED CLARINET

CHAPTER 3. THE SCHOOL FOR DUMMIES

Hieronym walked across the school hallway and played the clarinet. Suddenly, the smart kids and the smart school principal walked like hunchbacks and drooled and speaking nonsense, all because of the clarinet's spell.

"Great. Now that everybody is an idiot, I shall teach the whole school about the history of Poland and the whole world." Henryk said. Now Henryk, despite being not so smart, wanted to be a teacher but Krispin and Hieronym told the whole school folks to sit at the playground while he teaches them about math Now Krispin and Hieronym became the teacher instead of Henryk. Henryk tried to slap them but Krispin and Hieronym were so angry they tied him to a chair and forced him to listen to their lectures.

"What is the distance between the sun and my brother?" Krispin asked. Albert, the smartest kid who became dumb said that the answer is one million miles plus three hundred kilometers. "Then what is the answer?" Hieronym asked. Then he threw a strawberry at Henryk who was still tied to his chair. "You bad student, what is the answer?" Hieronym asked. Henryk was not so smart but he was not so dumb either. "That question doesn't make any sense." He replied. "Explain why?" Krispin replied. But before Henryk can reply, Ms. Kalina answered: One million and infinite! "Right answer!!" Krispin announced. Henryk was so angry he became untied from his chair and he pulled Krispin and Hieronym's ear.

"My purpose is to be the smartest person in town, and I have to make smart people dumber so I can be their teacher. I don't want both of you to become the teacher, cause both of you are already stupid!!" Henryk yelled. Krispin was offended. "You are under arrest for verbal homicide!!!" Krispin announced.  "As a punishment, you have to go to the jail. The bathroom that is!" Hieronym replied. He pushed Henryk to the bathroom and he gave him a piece of bread for him to eat.

"Have pity on me!!" Henryk yelled. "Fine. But promise me that you won't commit verbal homicide anymore??" Krispin asked. "Yes. I promise. Now let me out of here, you fool." Henryk replied. "Sure. But you have to answer a riddle." Hieronym said. "Come on Krispin, teach our students the basics of mathematics while I take care of this bearded lizard." Hieronym said. And Krispin returned to the playground. "What do you call an apple that falls upwards towards the moon?" Hieronym asked. "Um....no gravity?" Henryk replied. "Correct. Gee, you are so smart. But now the second riddle will be more hard." Hieronym announced. "It is contagious, and addictive!! What is it?" Henryk grew tired and he opened the door and he ran towards the playground while Hieronym was chasing him.

Krispin gave Henryk an ugly look. "What??" Henryk asked. "You did not attend the subject called Math." Krispin replied. "Of course. It is because of you moron, you locked me. Just because I was commiting Verbal Homicide. You really are a worthless idiot." Henryk yelled. "You've just committed it again. This time, you are forced to be locked in the library, except we will remove all of the books." Krispin replied. "What??? Oh please have mercy on me!' Henryk pleaded. "The only way for you to be pleaded is for you to pass on the next subject, music and arts." Krispin told Henryk.

The class moved to a dirty small classroom. "In here, all of you need to dance. Pick a dance partner." Krispin said. Henryk picked Ms. Kalina to be his dancing partner. "Now dance the waltz." Hieronym said and everyone started to dance while Krispin played the piano. Of course he was terrible at playing the piano but it still sounded like a waltz because of its slow tempo. Then, Krispin played the piano faster and everyone danced in a polka. Now Henryk had enough. He had a breakdown.  "Is there something wrong with your brain? Henryk Wodaaaaaa!!!!" Hieronym asked. Henryk tried to strangle Hieronym but Albert threw a book at Henryk. "I think he wants to strangle you." Albert told Hieronym. "No no no!!! Not true at all!" Henryk said. "And I thought all of you are becoming dumb." He whimpered.

"Thats it. Lets make an opera." Krispin shouted. And the whole class parodied Mozart's Magic Flute. Henryk was exhausted and suddenly, Krispin amd Hieronym announced that they are tired of becoming teachers. "We want someone to replace us. But who??" Hieronym and Krispin asked. Henryk raised his hand but Krispin wanted Albert to replace him. Finally, Hieronym decided that Henryk will be the new teacher. They gave him a book. "Place your left hand on the book and raise your right hand and repeat the oath after me." Hieronym said.

The oath:
"I, Henryk Woda do solemnly swear to  be a right and humble teacher and I, Henryk Woda, do solemnly swear to not commit Verbal Homicide. So help me, God."

And after that, Henryk was crying tears of joy. "Now I will teach you history. The history of the Roman Empire." Henryk said. "Julius Caesar, the first emperor was stabbed to death by his lover Cleopatra, who in turn buried herself in the sand." Suddenly, Albert said that the history that Henryk taught was wrong. The effects of the clarinet was wearing off. "Quick. Play the clarinet. Hieronym!!!" Henryk shouted.

Hieronym played the clarinet and suddenly, everyone was dumb again. And Henryk taught his class for two more hours.

In the meantime, Anatol and Maria entered the house and they forgot that their two sons were at school. "Quick. Lets check them." Anatol told Maria and they went to the school.

Meanwhile, Henryk was forced to be tied to another chair because Hieronym and Krispin wanted to teach again. And Hieronym told the class about King Henry the sixth and his eight wives. "You mean, King Henry the eighth and his six wives?" Henryk asked. Krispin was offended and he threw his shoes at Henryk. The class started to quarrel again.

Anatol and Maria entered but they were angry when they found out about Henryk and his powerful magic clarinet.