"What?" Crowley stared at the signed letter. Statan's and the Almighty's signature on one sheet of paper. Immediately he sent a carrier pigeon to Arziraphale, incredible what Heaven allowed itself, some would say unfathomable.
God did not know what to do with the child. Armageddon was still centuries away and her own son (Jesus) was still on earth. The plan had not even begun, so to speak, but already she was there. Destroyer of all worlds. After a violent exchange of letters with Satan it was decided: this child would not bring about Armageddon, this child would probably have to do something else. Life. But not unmonitored, no such thing could not be afforded nowadays. The unicorns had also been unmonitored, and what did that lead to? To extinction. And God was pretty sure that this little rascal who was just nibbling on his hooves (yes hooves instead of feet) could contribute quite a bit to the extinction of pretty much everything. The sentence was passed, and in a basket of palm leaves it was sent off. To Israel, under the supervision of those who had nothing to do at the time.
Crowley felt no fear, rather awe, as he entered the estate. The gate was opened by what he guessed were two human guards, and he walked for a while through a garden. God loved gardens, at least he supposed so, and he was not against it, since it made him a little more close to the Almighty himself.
"Hello?" He opened the door and looked around the hall. This was followed by several cautious steps inside, and as he stood in the middle of the round room a letter appeared to him. Raising both eyebrows he opened it, and read.
Blah blah, he is to watch the child, keep calm, blah blah. Any instructions to manipulate the child into the diabolical realm, demise of the earth, if you're already there at least try to make it a murderer, he should at least try to make the child evil. If not Armageddon, then perhaps world domination.
Crowley rolled his eyes, and idly made his way to the master bedroom. Babysitting, he had no desire or time for that, but orders were orders. The Merciful One and Satan probably had something in common there too. Already from a distance he could hear the crying child, apparently the angel who would look after the child with him arrived sooner than him. He was greeted by a "Man, look at you." He immediately had the urge to turn around, but he couldn't, orders were orders. "Gabriel." He didn't smile back, why should he. His gaze went to the thing Gabriel just held out in front of him like a wet sack. "Ahhh, hello." Replied the grinning angel, but Crowley just stared at the blue face. "Gabriel?!" This time he rushed over to the bundle in a hurry and pulled it out of his hand. "Are you out of your mind?"
He exclaimed and held the girl carefully in his arm and the blue slowly but surely softened from her face. "Are you crazy? Do you want it to die or what?" He hissed at the angel and pressed the child against his chest. "Guilty." Said the angel and raised both hands, smiling. "You know us, better safe then sorry. Better to get rid of the Anti-Christ than watch it get into trouble." Gabriel laughed, lowered his hands and shook his head. "I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not. For the greater good and all that." Crowley couldn't believe what he was hearing, but somehow it didn't surprise him either. "Besides, I'm pretty sure it can't die." Added Gabriel. "I don't believe it, I'm going to leave now and expect someone else to take care of the child right away." Spat out the demon. Infanticide, he would have loved to blame Gabriel for that, but he was rather reluctant to associate himself with death. "Yeah yeah." Gabriel braced his hands on his hips and his eyes narrowed to a crack. "I know, and in the end the world burns again. But boo-hoo, the poor kid." Frustrated, he combed through his hair but his face brightened. "I know exactly who fits." His official resignation appeared before him. "Oh and look, I'm officially off the job too. What a wonder, right?" "The good guys, you should be ashamed."
Murmured Crowley, rocking the still crying child back and forth while not taking his eyes off Gabriel. "Bye-bye." Replied the latter, and disappeared in bright light, while he went up into the sky with open arms. Or through the ceiling of the room. Tze, what a freeloader. He cradled the child further, looking him in the face. Quite human, he himself wouldn't have thought of smothering it. "My, what am I going to do with you now." The baby slowly calmed down and stared at him. It didn't look like it had been crying, it didn't even look like it could cry. "What?" said Crowley, almost expecting it to actually answer, but it just stared. By the time he could get rid of this job he'd either have to have absolute unchallenged status like Gabriel, or just kill the kid, and he could forget both. Maybe a few hours passed and he just stared at the child and didn't blink. The child didn't blink either, what a wierd little thing it was.
"Crowley?" Someone snapped him out of his thoughts, and he hastily turned around. "Awww, is that the kid?" Immediately Crowley acted as if this child was the least important thing on this earth. "Angel." He looked to Aziraphale, who was now standing next to him, and pressed the child into his arms. "It is you." Annoyed but still much happier than before, the demon sat down on the white couch in the center of the room.
