LOVER [EN- 성훈]

40 ; obsession

[Jay's POV]

"Hyung, do you still like her?" I ask the oldest member of the group, Heeseung.

"I do, but you know, I have no choice but to move on. We lose Jay." He said, saying the things that I already know.

"I know right. We don't even have choice." I said, before going to my own room to sleep.

My roommate, Jake were totally in cloud nine, since he meet the love of his life. I've never been so annoyed before, but seeing him like this, making me feel so lonely. I want to have someone to love too.

I only want, Suna. That's the problem. I don't even know myself. I know that I shouldn't like her anymore, knowing the fact that she already got a lover, and what's more is her lover is my friend.

I want to tell her about how do I feel for her, but I don't want to disturb other's relationship. I just don't even know what to do, but I hope that one day, I can tell her about my true feeling.

•

"Jay-ssi, you look so tired today." My friend, Seungho, noticed that I was tired. I was being hard on myself.

I supposed to sleep early yesterday, but I end up staying up all night, because of so many thought I have inside my head. I just don't know what to do.

"Do I look that tired?" I ask him for his confirmation.

"Yeah, your dark circle is so obvious." He said. I look into the mirror, checking myself, and yes, my dark circle is literaly darker.

I've never been like this, not even once before.

"Seungho-ya, what will you do if you have a crush on your friend's lover?" I said, wanting some ideas from him.

"Hmm, if he's your close friend, then I will just support her." He said.

"Why? It's hurt to think like that. Seeing her happy with someone else that is not me." I said, sad because that is the truth.

"You know what?" He get my attention, by talking like that, making me curious about what he gonna talk.

"What?" I asked.

"If you love her so much, let her go. The biggest sacrifice that you made for the one you love is letting them happy with someone they love. Even if that hurt you, I am sure, that she will be thankful for not holding onto her." He explain.

"But I cannot see her with someone else." I still stand with my opinion, even though deep inside, I already surrender.

"Do you really love her? Like how much?" Seungho ask.

That question make me think, how much do I love her? I love her so much, that I want to take her away from anyone else and make her mine. Can't I just do that for her to be with me?

"So much." I said.

"Like how?"

"I just want to see her face everytime I wake up. I want to hold her hand, I want to hug her, kiss her lips and pinkish cheeks. I want her smile to only be mine, I just love everything about her." I confessed.

"I think that you mistake your love for obsession." He said.

"Why?" I don't quite understand why he said that.

"Love isn't just about physical." He said, making me confused.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked him again.

"All the things that you mention is about the thing that you want to do to her, that's just obsession. When you love someone, it doesn't matter, if you are far away from each other, or not, you feel the connection that you can't even explain."

"If it was just about you, don't you think about her feelings? If you do the things that you like and she hate it, it is not love. It is just pure obsession. I know this from my own experience." Seungho said.

I never knew it would be like this. Why didn't I know that it was obsession all along?