𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐨𝐦

incorrect quotes [me and my friends #1]

note: all of the names, except for hugo (mine), are either aliases or nicknames some of my friends go by. (also, mooni, if you read this, i know you don't really know my friends that well. this is just how i'd imagine you getting along with them)

hugo: Theater kids are just choir kids who joined forces with the band and strings kids.
bon-bon: STOP!
*Everyone stops*
bon-bon: wAiT a MiNuTe-

computer: Please enter a password.
celest: *types in jj*
computer: Your password is too weak. 
jj: How fucking DARE YOU-

celest, looking at the squad: Okay, so I need to become a therapist faster.
al: Too little too late

*bon-bon falls through the ceiling, landing near mocha*
mocha: Hey, bon-bon!
bon-bon: Hey, mocha!
bon-bon: ...that hurt.

jj: My ultimate goal is to punch a god in the eye, just to spite them one last time.

hugo: Sorry it took so long to bail you out of jail.
al: No, it was my fault. I shouldn't have used my phone call to prank call the police station.

celest: Editor's note: What the fuck?

bon-bon, at mocha: Would you like to stay for dinner?
jj, from the kitchen: Would you like to stay forever!?!

al: For most of human history, vehicles had automatic collision avoidance and could even take you home if you were asleep or drunk. But then we got rid of the horse.
jj: You complete moron. You stupid fucking idiot. "Cars would be better if they could bite and shit" – that was you just now, dumbass.
bon-bon: "Wouldn't it be cool if cars could piss? Wouldn't it be cool if cars could fuck?" Fuck off.
mocha: It would be cool if cars could fuck.
coco: We... We still have horses.

mocha: Shh, here comes al!
bon-bon: Quick, jj, start talking about boring nerd stuff!
jj: You know, nerd culture is mainstream now, so when you use the word "nerd" derogatorily, it means you're the one that's out of the zeitgeist.
bon-bon: Yes, that's perfect. Just like that.

mocha: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.
jj: This is a lie.
bon-bon: we're literally dating them. This is a lie.
jj: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

coco: GET BACK HERE YOU DUMB FUCK!
hugo: LET ME RUN FROM THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS

al: Why did you leave Wrestlemania on for the cats?
celest: They need to learn how to protect us.

mooni: Oooh, a train!
coco: We're in a train station, moons.

hugo: What's wrong?
jj: I have to write a whole paragraph for school.
hugo: That's not so bad; I write entire books.
jj: Yeah, but this has to be good.

al: You know, mocha, when you come over, jj can get a little...
mocha: Psycho?
coco: Scary?
hugo: Drunk?
bon-bon: All three?

celest: How would you like your coffee?
al: As dark and as bitter as my soul.
mooni, shouting to someone behind the counter: I need one vanilla latte with extra cream and sugar!

mocha: I bet you can't make a sentence without the letter "A"!
al: You thought you just did something there, didn't you? Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but numerous sentences could be constructed without employing the first letter of the English lexicon.
mocha: Fuck you.

celest: Hey I just got a pet snake. What should I name him?
coco: A pet WHAT?!
mooni: William Snakespeare.

jj: LOWERCASE LETTERS ARE FOR THE LOWER CLASS!
celest: And here we have a capitalist.
bon-bon: Did you just-
al: Let us all take a moment to appreciate that all of human history, human language, and the universe itself aligned to make this joke possible.

mocha: There's something I have to ask about you-know-who.
mooni: Voldemort?
mocha: No.
mooni: Is it Voldemort?
mocha: It's not Voldemort.
mooni: You haven't mentioned wizards once this conversation, so I'm gonna have to assume it's Voldemort.

hugo: I have been tricked, I have been backstabbed, and I have quite possibly been bamboozled.
mooni: try ramboozled *pulls out ranboo mask from nowhere*
hugo: i am torn between saying the following: no or fuck you
mooni: might i recommend option c
hugo: no, fuck you

coco: Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and...
jj: Was diagnosed with mesothelioma.
coco: Mamma called the doctor and the doctor said...
al: You might be entitled to financial compensation if he or a loved one dies.

bon-bon: Why cant trees give off something important like wifi??
celest: So fuck oxygen, I guess.

bon-bon: I love the term 'partners'. Are we dating? Are we robbing a bank? Are we the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit? Who knows.
mocha: in this group, aren't we all three?

al: jj has no survival skills, their need to win has replaced them.
coco: That can't be true!
al: Watch this.
al: Hey jj, race you to the bottom of the stairs!
jj: *throws herself out a window*

mocha: celest, I'm afraid.
celest: Just stay close to jj.
mocha: That's why I'm afraid.

hugo: As someone who has a long history of not understanding anything, I feel confident in my ability to continue not knowing what is going on.

*mooni and bon-bon looking at a locked gate into a park*
mooni: Aw :(
bon-bon: You know what they say.
mooni: no?
bon-bon: BE GAY DO CRIME! *hops gate*
mooni: NO-