Can It Be Fixed? (Matthew Espinosa)

Chapter 13

ALLISON'S POV:

After hearing Matt apologize, I felt myself relax. When I looked at him, I could tell he was sincere, and I could see the old Matthew, my Matty Bear. I smiled up at him, and heard Claire's happy sigh caused by being taken off explosive duty.

"So...did you really mean the apology? Or was it just some part of a bigger scheme to get me to never tour again?" I asked, hesitantly.

I refused to get my hopes up and believe that the Matt that I fell in love with was truly back. After hearing the Jacks worry about me, and after finding out what Matt had tried to recruit the other boys to do, I was not really feeling super trustworthy towards Matt at the moment. I refused to let him mess with my feelings as a way of revenge. I had already had to try to nurse one heartbreak from him (that was partially, or completely my fault), and I didn't know if I would be able to survive another.

Matt looked at me shocked. "How did you know about that?"

I looked away from him. He hadn't answered the first question, seeming more concerned that I heard about his plans.

I simply shrugged. "How do you think I found out?"

Matt sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "The guys told you, didn't they?"

"Well, they actually called Johnson, but yeah, close enough," I shared.

Matt sighed again. "God, Allison, I'm such an idiot. Yeah, I wanted to get revenge on you. I hated you. Hated that you seemed to have moved on just like that, while I was struggling to even resemble myself. I felt like it was unfair for you to be happy when I couldn't be. I thought that in order to make myself feel better, I had to make you hurt as badly as you hurt me. But, you're right, I didn't really know as much about you as I thought. I didn't realize that everything you were doing for social media was fake, and that you were already hurting as bad as you had hurt me."

I gave him a sad smile. "It turned out to be a double-edged sword. I thought I would be saving myself some heartbreak by letting you go, but in the end, I realized I had made the biggest mistake in my life. But look at us, Matthew. We hated each other at the beginning of last summer. Then, suddenly we became this inseparable couple. Now we're back to square one. I think we jumped into things too fast. Matt, even if you are sorry, I don't think I'm ready to put my heart on the line again. I just got it stitched back together."

Matt silently nodded. "I understand. I'm going to go for a walk, you wanna come?"

He extended his hand toward me, and I sat there staring at it. After thinking about it, I tenatively reached out and grasped it.

MATTHEW'S POV:

I am such an idiot. I was so busy feeling sorry for myself that I hadn't even stopped to realize that there are two sides to things. I screwed things up badly with Allison, and with all the other guys. I really hoped I could fix this, because I don't know what I would do without my second family.

"What are you thinking about?" Allison asked me.

I looked down at her. "How badly I've screwed up every friendship and relationship with all of you. I don't know how I'm going to begin to fix things. Be honest with me, A: Can it be fixed?"

Allison gave me a little shrug. "I don't know. But I think there's a strong chance things will get better. Apologies go a long way, Espinosa, as long as they're sincere. That's a good place to start, and work your way from there."

I had forgotten how much I valued Allison's advice. Whenever she looked at a situation, it made it feel slightly better. She had always been optimistic, and I was extremely grateful for that quality.

"Hey," I said looking at her. "I meant that apology. Every bit of it. I shouldn't have assumed the worst in you, and I shouldn't have done all those horrible things I did. I think a part of me realized things had gone too far when I tried to get you off the tour, but a part of me kept thinking that you deserved it. But you don't. No one deserves that. But you do deserve a sincere apology. I am so sorry, Allison, and I'm going to make it up to you, I promise."

She shocked me by wrapping her arms around me. "I forgive you. But I'm obviously not the only one you need to apologize to. You became quite the asshole in the last month or so."

I gave a small laugh. "It was bad."

That was really all there was to say about the last month. It was bad. I became a totally different person. Allison became a shell of who she used to be. It became a full out war of who's side to pick. Things definitely weren't how they used to be, they probably wouldn't ever be. I still had a lot to do to make up for things. But for now, I was satisfied with how things were.