bad memories

4

4.1

Dear Jack, 

Today was a bad day. None of them are good, but this one was worse. I woke up at 2am, panic seizing my chest. I panicked because I couldn't feel your arms around me. I was terrified. My sister ran in, and held me until I stopped crying. 

It's nice having them all around, I guess. I don't think I told you, but me and my parents made up. I guess it was mostly because I had no where else to go. I don't think they really enjoy my company, seeing as all I do is mope around the house. They know I'm hurting though, and they know to give me space. 

I don't talk much anymore, and when I do, it's usually a snarky snap, or a sob. I've started smoking more, which isn't very good, I suppose. It just helps me forget about you for a little. I don't want to forget about you, but it's nice to feel something else. 

Back to today. Sammy stopped by. I tried to shut the door on him, but he's stronger, and he forced it open. It started out with small talk, then it became a yelling fight. 

YOU'RE WASTING YOUR LIFE AWAY

That's what he yelled. That broke me, because I know it's true. And somehow, I'm fine with it. I'm fine with wasting my life thinking about you. Because you were my life, so if you're gone, what's the point? That's when I started crying, and those are the exact words I said to Sam. Our fight drifted into crying, something that happened often. 

I don't want to cry anymore, Jack. But it has consumed me. It's who I am now. I'm a mess of tears and smoke, and you. 

I just want to feel your arms around me, and stare up at the stars and think about nothing. That's what I miss the most. The simplicity of it all. Of course I miss the raging fights, and the heated sex, yet I somehow miss the sound of your heartbeat and my head on your chest.

I just want to feel you once more, Jack. Just one more time. 

Love, Erica

4,2

His heart beat was a constant thump, a constant reminder that he was there. A constant reminder that I had something to live for. A constant reminder that I  couldn't just give up. I had something important to take care of. 

That's all I could think about as we stared at the stars. Not one of us had said a word in a good hour. We laid here, the soft hum of acoustic music playing in the background. Our legs were tangled and if I could, I would never leave. This was my peace. Watching the sky change, feeling Jack's warmth radiating onto myself, feeling free. 

Jack interrupted my thoughts by opening his mouth. "I want to take you away." I hummed in agreement. A vacation would be nice. "I want to run away with you. You're the only one that I can actually stand for more then a few hours. I just want to always be with you, never leave you again." I felt his soft lips on my forehead. 

"If I could, I would." I mumbled. 

"Why don't we?" He questioned. I paused, contemplating how I should answer this. 

"We can't pack up and leave. We're here for a reason." 

"Kissing you must be the reason." He smirked, reaching over and planting his lips on mine. 

Yeah, this. Feeling his breath against mine, soaking up his smiles, hearing his thumping heart beat. This is all I need. 

\\\

not my best so suck my dick