IF I STAY ― haobin [BOOK ONE]

01. the world just ended

one would think the world just ended.
— life is still going on, nct dream

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7:09 A.M.

It's relatively easy to blame the snow for what happened—part of Hao thinks that it's almost a hate crime, but he knows that there is more to it than that.

But before it all, Hao wakes up to snow falling in the sky. It isn't much, barely enough to cover the ground, but where he lives in Oregon, it's enough to bring everything to a standstill. Not that it affects his own daily schedule. Unless it means he can see Hanbin...

He makes his way downstairs after brushing his teeth and washing his face, rubbing his eyes sleepily. "Good morning, Mama," he says when he sees his mother at the base of the stairs. He had meant to speak in English, but his English brain never really switches on when he's sleepy. His mother likes speaking Mandarin at home, anyway.

"Good morning, Haohao," she ruffles his hair when he reaches her, going up on her tiptoes to reach the top of his head. He's six feet tall, at least, and his mother a foot shorter than that. It still warms him that she adamantly refuses to do anything but treat him as her child. "I was just about to go wake you up. Your brother's sulky today."

"Hm?" he glances into the dining room, where his brother, Ricky, picks forlornly at his eggs, still dressed in his pajamas. "Why so moody, Quanrui?" he asks as he steps inside. It's become normal for him to use Ricky's Chinese name all the time. "It's a snow day. No school!"

"I was supposed to help Gyuvin with his math problems before the test tomorrow," Ricky complains, aggressively shoving a forkful of eggs into his mouth. Hao stifles a laugh. "Now that idiot is going to fail."

"I wasn't aware you were so concerned about his grades," Hao says, reaching out to ruffle his platinum-blonde strands. At sixteen, Ricky is somewhat of an independent child; he makes his own schedules and insists on walking between home and school himself (though only the last two weeks or so), even when Hao offers to drive him instead of their parents. In his long list of Ricky-isms, the latest entry is getting their parents' permission to dye his hair platinum blonde. It hadn't been that hard.

Ricky doesn't lean away from his touch, but he frowns at Hao with pouty lips he probably doesn't know he's forming. "I get paid to tutor him, ge," he deadpans. "Well, paid in strawberry things, but still!"

"Oh, so that's it?" their father is struggling to control his laughs more than Hao is. "Not because you miss Gyuvin?"

"What is that supposed to mean!" Ricky demands.

"It's nothing, sweetheart," their mother comes back inside from the kitchen, holding a coffee mug for Hao. "They're just messing with you."

"It's not messing with him if he's—ow!" Hao yelps when Ricky kicks him under the table. "Shen Quanrui!" When Ricky grins, unrepentant, Hao sighs. "Fine, I'll stop."

"Rich of you to make fun of me when you're always heart-eyed over your boyfriend," Ricky says.

"This is homophobia."

"No, it's Hao-phobia!" he says cheerfully. His grin is nothing like either Hao's or their parents, being an adopted child, but it's similar enough to their mother in the way it holds boundless mischief all the time.

"Speaking of Hanbin," their mother interjects, "are you going to go see him today?"

"Sure, if his schedule's cleared up," Hao answers. "I was going to go that random play dance his crew's holding tonight. Ricky, did Hanbinie or Kuanjui tell you about it?"