All The Tears I Cried

~Part 2~

"Hey are you ok?"                                                                                                                                                                

 My friend Adelyn asked me. I didn't know how to answer...so I smiled at her and she just hugged me...The lights of the dressing room covered us like warm blankets... Smile for your friends...Smile for everyone, but yourself...You don't matter anymore, only your friends do!            

 "Let's take a picture! It'll be fun!"             

  It was right before the evening show was about to begin. I smiled for the camera...How could I be smiling right after my brother died? Even if it's not real...How could I? I don't know anymore. I wish I were dead, gone, unalive, any of those things would do! Please let me die...I don't want to live anymore...                                                                                                                                                                          I went home right after the musical ended and I did something I never thought I would do...I wrote a suicide note thinking I was going to kill myself tomorrow. It's alright nobody cares anymore...                                                                                                                                                                               

All the tears I cried when...I didn't die...When I just sat in the hospital wishing I was dead...

I wrote the note and instead of killing myself tomorrow I thought to myself why couldn't I do it today? I went down and brought the pills out of the cupboard. My dad and step mom went to plan out my brothers funeral, so I had the whole house to myself. I took about 15 pills into my mouth and swallowed them. I waited and waited as a I reread my note again and again...and then it hit me.

I collapsed and my hit the ground hard, the foam came out of my mouth and I felt my breath slowing down and my heart beat about to stop. 

Darkness hit me cold as ice.

I woke in the hospital to my step mother holding my hand and she was crying and my father arguing with the doctor. Everything was blurry and it had most definitely  been a few days because once my eyes were fully opened my step mom said...

"She's awake...honey she's awake!"

I looked over to my father who dashed by my side.

"Hey sweetie...are you ok?"

I replied with a mumble and for one second I thought I saw my brother, apparently, according to the doctor I was hallucinating because of the overdose. I tried to pull out the IV's from my arms and back. 

I cried and I cried until I fell asleep...                                                                                                                         All the tears I cried that day and I still had more to cry!