Laid out cold, now we're both alone

0. Nikki's death

He was in heaven.

That's what it felt like when the needle slowly pushed through his skin, injecting his beloved heroin into his veins. Maybe for other people it was fucked to spend Christmas like this, shooting up somewhere he couldn't even recognize, or even worse letting a stranger do it because he couldn't even do it himself.

Yeah it was fucked up, but for him it was normal. Christmas had never been a happy time, he didn't have a family to celebrate with, no one loved him, nobody cared.

There was someone who loved you.

Stupid fucking brain, he didn't want to remember him now! He didn't want to see Tommy's hurt face when he disappointed him again and again, he didn't want to watch the tears slowly dripping from his eyes... He hurt him so fucking bad, after everything Tommy did for him.

He was too fucked up for him and too cowardly to leave her. He chose her and Tommy knew it. He ignored him because he thought it was easy, but it just hurt more... He still fucking loved him so much.

Wasn't it ironic that heroin literally destroyed the only good thing that happened to him, yet he was still injecting it? Fucking nut case.

When the last bit of hot liquid went into his veins, he pulled the needle out of his arm, ignoring the pain but enjoying the high immediately hitting him. It was different from all the other times... it felt stronger...

Good I don't want to feel anything, just numb all my feelings.

All of a sudden, everything began to spin. There were people talking... He could hear something but he didn't know what they were saying... It didn't make sense. His ears felt stuffed up with cotton. His heart was racing, threatening to break his rib cage.

That didn't feel right.

Before he could speak, he felt himself falling backwards as everything turned black.

Nikki? Fuck! He's fucking blue, call an ambulance!

"Nikki..."

Was it... no, that was impossible. It couldn't be him, they weren't talking anymore...

"Nikki, it's me Tommy..."

Oh fucking great! His mind decided to torment him even during his high. So much for not thinking about him and there's Tommy showing up! Why is he so fucking hard to forget?

Because you fucking love him.

" You're going to leave me Nikki..."

Now it wasn't just his voice, he could see him right in front of him. His beautiful brown eyes... his soft curly hair... his red lips, so beautiful when they were curved in a smile...his arms full of tattoos; the ones he loved to trace every night.

"You're leaving me Nikki..."

His expression was hurt and sad, just like when he told him those words, that night...God, he was terrified of losing Nikki but he didn't get it, he was still there. T-bone was just worrying too much... They all did drugs... It was just a bit of smack...

He wanted to talk, tell him how much he missed him, but words weren't coming out, so instead Tommy stroked his cheek... it was so fucking sweet and he didn't deserve it at all. That triggered a series of memories flashing... their first kiss...their first time...all the nights spent cuddling ... their laughs.

It felt so nice, so peaceful... Tommy's smile was his favorite thing but he wasn't smiling now.

"I can't lose you..."