Unadulterated Pleasure

19: Wedding Day

Amara felt as if she was hyperventilating. She'd been fine until she'd looked at the clock a moment ago and realized she would be walking down the aisle, joining with Dorian in half an hour. She'd been excited during the entire planning process, and she still was. However, now, that excitement was overshadowed by nervousness.

She was going out there to exchange vows with him in front of; she didn't know how many people, but Amara knew it would be a significant amount. She'd let the number of people disappear to the back burner while she was planning. They hadn't even been a thought when they'd run through the ceremony yesterday. Now, it was as if they were smacking her in the face, making themselves known.

It wasn't that Amara had a fear of crowds. It was more so that she knew this crowd was filled with upper caste members. She'd gotten used to being around a few here and there, even going out with Amy or Laura without Dorian, but such a large group in one place made her nauseous. What was she supposed to do if they looked at her in disgust?

As quickly as that thought entered her head, it flitted out. Those people were here to celebrate with Dorian; she didn't think they would disrespect him that way, and she'd long ago realized that he in no way would allow anyone to disrespect her. It helped curve the nerves she was feeling a bit.

Amara felt a hand grab hers, and she focused enough to see Tahly standing in front of her. She was vaguely aware that her mother had said something before leaving a moment ago, but she'd been too wrapped up in her emotions to hear what she said.

Tahly handed her a small water bottle, and Amara quickly drank it. She smiled at her friend, though from the way Tahly scrunched her nose at her, she knew it wasn't believable.

Amara sighed; she needed to get herself together because she was going out there. Nerves or not, she was going to walk down that aisle and join with Dorian because there was nothing else in the world she wanted more than that. It would just be easier if she could calm down a bit. A knock on the door pulled her attention.

"Bébé, what's wrong?" Dorian questioned from the other side of the door, and Amara felt her heart rate kick up. How was she supposed to explain to him that she was nervous without him thinking it was because she was having second thoughts? "Talk to me, Amara."

Amara made her way to the door, placing her hand against it. "I'm nervous about walking out. There are a lot of people out there, and..." Amara trailed off. She didn't want to tell him that she was feeling insecure, especially after he'd praised her for sticking up for herself and Tahly a couple of days ago.

"I'll make them leave, bébé," Dorian started. "I'll make them all leave, and we will do this with only the people you're comfortable with in attendance."

"You can't do that. Those people took time out of the day to come and-"

"I don't care," Dorian cut her off. "Tell me that's what you want, and that's what's going to happen."

It was tempting. It really was, and it was on the tip of Amara's tongue to ask him to, but she refrained. She would get through this with everyone in attendance because if she couldn't do that. Couldn't walk out during her own joining; she was never going to be comfortable anywhere upper caste tended to be the prominent people in attendance, and that was in several places she found herself going to with Dorian or Lauren. She didn't want to rely on them to always say something on her behalf.

Amara sighed. "No, they can stay. I can handle it. I'll be fine."

He was quiet for a moment. "Amara, I'm not going to lie to you. All eyes will be on you today, but mine are the only ones that matter. Remember that for me, bébé."

She found herself smiling and wanted to open the door and kiss him. She wanted to see him, but she knew that she couldn't. Spending the night and the time until the wedding away from him hadn't been ideal for Amara, mainly because she'd gotten so used to sleeping beside him or video-calling him when he'd been away for work.