Not a Ghost Story

Five

I crack open my dry eyes as light floods the room.

A few hours ago, I had heard Darcy get ready for work and leave.

After that...misunderstanding last night, and our fight, I was exhausted. I dressed warmly and went to bed, burying myself completely under the covers and forcing myself out of consciousness.

Heavy neighbors. Really heavy neighbors. That's all.

I rise up on my elbows slowly, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand. It's eleven o'clock. Close to Darcy's lunch break.

I flinch at the memory of our argument. Of what I had shouted at her.

Evil. I might just be evil.

My eyes start to burn, well up. How could I have said such a thing? How could I have hurt her so badly? My sister.

My only living sister. The one person I have left.

I'm tempted to curl into myself and never emerge from my room again. I'm tempted to let the echo of my hideous words wrap me up in darkness and drag me under. Tempted to stay in this bed until my bones turn to stone and this building's last legs give out, burying me, erasing me along with its egregious paint job.

I had snapped at Darcy like a caged animal. I had been so desperate for her to hear me that I shouted the one thing she couldn't ignore.

And she just...took it.

Dread dumps about a thousand pounds on my shoulders and my chest hurts with every breath, but I manage to stumble to my feet.

Slowly, I make my way to the kitchen.

I find no note, no cash, and no directions to the library.

I let my knees cave and I sink to the floor, head pressing hard up against the cabinets. I don't stop the tears from dripping down my cheeks.

Snowbell trills and prances past me, as if to gloat. As if to say, you deserve it.

"You bitch," I whisper at the cat, coughing around my tears.

I do deserve it. I do deserve to feel unwelcome. I do deserve to have Darcy put me out.

I deserve to have to crawl back to mom and dad.

I should have to live out my days in that comfortless, dangerous, endlessly miserable and ghastly house. The one I barely remember, but still grow nauseous at the thought of.

"Gosh, Pam," I pray, pressing my palms to my wet eyes. "What do I do?"

What can I do?

How do you show the one person you love that you might just regret your whole life for what you've done to hurt them?

Darcy must be fuming. I must have ruined her whole day.

She took you in. She deserves an apology. It's almost as if Pam herself whispered it to me. It is a solution she would have thought up from her kind, selfless heart.

I wipe away my hot tears. Loneliness bellows through my insides. If only Pam was here.

I swallow hard, glance up at the kitchen window looming above me that's casting happiness and hope and sunshine across my face. Casting a reminder of everything I'm not, everything I lack across the room. I don't know if I'll be able to stomach it...

Just try.          

Like a whisper, the words ring through my ears. Goosebumps flood my arms. I sniff, rub some warmth back into me.