Living for me

Chapter 5: Healing

With every experience I had I knew that I would be asking for a consequence, it might be good, it might be bad, I didn't know. I just knew something would happen. It was during all this time that i began to pray. Pray for someone to help. Pray for anything good to happen. I wanted to be happy. I wanted freedom from this. 7th grade came along. Gaby was excited as we found eachother. We said our "we missed you" to everyone we knew and then she told me she had a boyfriend, she was excited because she saw him and she wanted to say hi but she was nervous. She told me he was older. I asked for his name, Carlos she said. She said that since I still haven't met him I should go with her to say hi with her. I didn't want to but she convinced me. I'm so glad she did. As we made our way through the people she pointed him out, I could only see the back of his head. "I see he has that pothead hair, Gaby doesn't usually go for that so that's new." I thought to myself As we got closer I saw one of the guys friends point us out, and then he turned around. He was obviously surprised to see Gaby and he shyly smiled and waved, I waved back and smiled. Gaby then said hi and started to make small talk. I felt awkward being as I didn't know any of the people there. Then Gaby said bye and awkwardly hugged him. You could tell she was feeling awkward about it and she blushed. "Haha she's cute" I thought. As we walked away I felt as if someone was stairing, I pushed the thought aside and went about my day. Turns out I saw this Carlos kid a lot throughout the day. He would wave hi and I'd wave hi back. As I got on my bus that day I saw he was there with his friend from the morning. I sat with my friend and they were in the seat across behind us. They said hi and asked if I was the friend of Gaby that came by earlier I said yes and they asked for my name. Now according to them (which I think is false) I went all "ghetto" on them or "went all black on them" Apperantly I even made the little head movement and said my name was *cue the tongue click* *cue the head roll* Diane *add the sass* they gave eachother this look of "this girl is going to turn out to be crazy." And they laughed and then I asked for their names. Francisco and Carlos. Best friends I assumed. We kept talking the whole bus ride home. As soon as I got off i was wondering what trouble I'd get into with my dad today when my thoughts were disrupted with laughter from beside me. I looked over and saw Francisco and Carlos were apperantly talking to eachother, they included me in the conversation until I said I had to go the other way instead of the way they were going they said they'd stalk me home. "Great a bunch of crazy kids will stalk me home and get me in trouble, fuuuunn" I thought. They kept their word.They followed me home and joked and laughed and I tried to hurry home. I said bye around the corner and they said bye too, i assumed they went home too. When I got home I said hi to my mom and that's when she looked outside asked me if I knew the guys outside . I turned and from the window I saw these two goofballs waving. Me and my mom waved back. "Great, I'm gonna die." I thought. I could tell Carlos felt awkward but Francisco just smiled gleefully and waved like this was nothing strange or new to him. "Los conoces?" "Si.." "Chamacos estos, ve a decirles que se vayan a su casa." "Ok" ("Do you know them? "Yes..." "Crazy children, go tell them to go home." "Ok" I went out in socks and asked them nicely to go home since I didn't want to get in trouble, they said sorry and said bye and waved as they walked away. They said they'd see me the next day. "Weird kids" i thought. As I walked home, I would've never realized what importance they were to become of my life. Since they lived in the same neighborhood, and I saw them often throughout the day, we became friends. We started to hangout afterschool, and talk more and more. They'd come get me or I'd tell them to wait for me outside. With them around I began to forget of all the bad things. That is until I got home again. But even then, I was happy to have new friends who could be so close and would care. We started to get closer the three of us and I enjoyed it.That's when I noticed...I had a small crush on him...my bestfriends boyfriend. "I'm such a horrible person I can't do that!" I thought. "She's my best friend!" "Why would you do this to me heart!?" I thought. I felt horrible. I tried to push the thought of me liking Carlos away, but the feeling seemed to grow even more if I tried to push it away. That's when Gaby told me she didn't like him anymore and she was going to break up with him. Not that I was happy (not going to lie I was a bit happy and relieved) that she was but it would break us apart if I dated her ex. I didn't know what to do! So I told her. I was ready to get slapped, get my hair pulled, anything! But it never happend. She was in fact happy. She thought it was cute and she said she didn't care if I dated him, that if I did she'd be fine with it and she'd support me. (My bestfriend is cool) I was determined to tell Carlos I liked him. I planned it out, I would talk to Francisco, hoped he'd be cool with it, if he was then I'd ask for his help so that I could tell Carlos I liked him. I was going to do it that afternoon when we hung out when the most unexpected happened. Karla told Carlos she liked him and they were going out. When I found out I felt like someone had shot my heart millions of times and stomped on it. I went to Gaby and asked what happend, she was just as surprised as I was. I told her not to tell anyone of my crush, especially to Karla and she agreed. That afternoon I made an excuse to not come out and locked myself in my room. "Why would he even look your way Diane. You're so stupid. Thinking he liked you. You liking him. Gosh grow up." I thought to myself. I cried so much. I know I'm a cry baby. But I really liked this kid. My second heartbreak. Seeing them hold hands and kiss eachother on the cheek would break my heart all over again. I had to pretend I was happy. Not hard to do, I did it all the time. But somehow they made it hard. I smiled and awed. Gaby knew I was hurting and she'd often hug me and say sorry, I said it was fine, she couldn't do anything. That afternoon when they came to hang out, Carlos had to leave home early so it was just me and Francisco, I was a bit glad. We talked and I decided to tell Francisco, he said he knew and that he didn't like Karla going out with him. He said he thought it'd be better if I went out with Carlos but I told him not to say that, sure I like him but Karla deserved to be with him, after all he chose to be with her for a reason. I told him not to tell Carlos and he agreed. The next day Francisco's girlfriend came up to me and and whispered that she knew I liked Carlos. I was shocked and asked how she knew, she said Francisco told her, I mean no surprise there but really? She said she also knew and that she agreed with Francisco that she didn't like Karla going out with him. We made nicknames so that they wouldn't know we were talking about them and included Gaby. Track season started. They had convinced me to join. I hate running. I hated it then, I still do. How they convinced me is beyond me. I would be with Karla and Gaby and Julie. I would sometimes be left to talk to other friends since they all had their boyfriends and girlfriends. Yippe for me. As the time went on, the feelings for Carlos stayed, and I so badly wanted them to go away. One day when Carlos and me were hanging out, he was talking nonsense. "Is he high? Maybe on something? He's not drunk that's for sure. What could he be on?" I thought. He was saying these crazy things, I just laughed and listened. The whole time he talked and blabbed and I didn't care, I was happy I was with him. It was getting dark and I had to go home. I asked if he could give me a piggy back ride. He said yes and off we went. (I had somehow managed to get him to give me piggyback rides and to hug me. Each day we didn't hang out, he owed me a piggy back ride.) he kept talking and when we got to the porch he put me down and I asked if he would remember any of this, he was smiling and said Nope and popped the p. In my head I had this crazy thought of kissing him. I thought to myself that since he wouldn't remember it wouldn't be bad. But I knew I couldn't do that to Karla. He just smiled and stared at me. Waiting. I hugged him and said goodnight and to not get lost on his way home. He told me he didn't promise anything. He waddled like a penguin on his way home as far as I could tell. As the track season went on, so did his relationship. It was a sunny day and we had a track meet. I was with Gaby and Karla. I noticed Karla different. She grabbed us both and told us she felt bad about this but she didn't like Carlos anymore and she wanted to break up with him. This should've been great news to me. But even if I did like Carlos, i felt horrible because I knew he liked her a lot. He would always talk about her. Say how beautiful she was. Sure it ate me up but if he was happy that's all that mattered. She asked one of us to do it for her since she didn't want to. I was mad at her. For not even wanting to do it herself. For being the one to hurt Carlos. I said I couldn't, honestly I couldn't. So Gaby agreed. We watched from a distance as she took him aside and talked to him. She felt awkward I could tell and she too felt bad, she hugged him and said sorry and walked away. I thought he was crying, we didn't stay to see. We went inside the school and watched the high jump, I couldn't help but feel bad for Carlos. I wondered how he was doing. Karla on the other hand seemed happy. She was talking and laughing and flirting. I was mad. Gaby said she felt bad too. It was time to go and off we went on our way back to school to get picked up. Francisco told me to tell Carlos but I told him I'd wait, he just got out of a relationship and he needed time. I also thought that if he did like me he could tell me when he was ready. And so I waited. A week passed and he talked about how he missed Karla and how he wanted to get her back. Two weeks passed and all he said was that he didn't know what he did. 3 weeks and he seemed sad. I couldn't stand him being sad so I talked to Karla. I told her how Carlos really liked her, and how she should go out with him again and she said she didn't like him anymore and that she had a new crush. I couldn't help but felt bad for him. I wanted him happy. As the days went on, I lost hope and slowly gave up on my crush on him. He didn't like me, why waste my time. He loved Karla, and he was sad without her. We were hanging out, it was a day before my birthday, and Francisco rang my doorbell, he asked me if I wanted to hang out and I agreed. When I came out I saw him on his scooter, he saw me and pretended he saw something and went after it, I chased after him and laughed. He asked me where Carlos was. Carlos? I didn't see him anywhere. He said he was hiding and he was suppose to scare me but he failed. Since we were around the corner we heard him yell to Francisco, "dude I don't think she came out yet, my legs hurt " he turned the corner and saw me and was surprised apperantly he didn't even hear me come out. The day was going great, but that's the day I had given up on my crush on Carlos and I was riding Francisco's scooter and then it was his turn again, so I gave it to him and he said to time him how long it took to go through the neighborhood and back to us, so I agreed and off he went. One,two three, four,five... Then me and Carlos were talking, he was acting different. Then he told me he wanted to talk. I was like we are talking... And he said he had to tell me something. He was blushing and holding the back of his neck. He looked worried. And I got worried. I thought something was wrong and then the most unexpected happened. He said he liked me. He said he thought I was cute and that he liked me for a while and that he hoped I liked him too. He asked me to be his girlfriend. I was shocked. I looked down and thought he was playing. He said he liked me...He said he found me cute...Cute! He liked me! I screaming inside and I still haven't said anything."Yes no maybe?" He asked. "Yes." "Yes?" "Yes." He raised my chin and hugged me, he kissed my check and I swear my heart flew. He held my hand and he smiled and blushed. I was hiding. He actually liked me! I had given up and this happend! What?! That's when Francisco came. "Did you do it?" He asked. Carlos nodded. "What'd she say?" He held our hands up and he was smiling and said "See i told you it wasn't too late!" As we walked home they asked me to hang out for tomorrow, I said I didn't know since tomorrow was my birthday and I didn't know if my parents had plans. They were surprised and asked if tomorrow was my birthday I nodded. They said they didn't know and said happy early birthday. They walked me home and Carlos had his arm around me, I felt at peace. When we got to my porch he hugged me and kissed my cheek and said goodnight. That night even as I got yelled at, nothing brought me down. I was too happy to care if anything happened. Because of Carlos I started to heal. I started to forgive and I was becoming stronger. He was helping me through everything, and I too helped him. He was fixing me.

*Hey everyone, so it would be great if you guys could comment on what you think so far c: Any thoughts, questions? Go ahead and comment c: Thanks for reading c:*

Weird how this chapter has the most views .-.