Of Slytherin Descent (Snape/reader)

Ch. 15: What are we?

I tended to procrastinate things I was scared of, and confrontation is one of them. Especially if it involves feelings of any kind.
I found the longest route in the castle and made my way, ever-so-slowly, to Snape's chambers.
I made an effort to wish the paintings and ghosts a happy holidays. Many of them were very kind, and welcoming.
I was almost to embarrassed to admit that I'd talked to more paintings or ghosts than people thus far into the Hogwarts year. But I suppose it's easier to talk to dead people, you can neither lose, nor gain anything from it.
I made my way to the broad, dark oak door that sat right beside mine. It was be so easy to simply walk into my chambers and pretend nothing happened. If only I didn't have a guilty conscience still after all these years of living.
I took a deep breath before knocking on the door, I waited. A few minutes passed and I knocked again, but this time I heard some grumbling on the other side. Footsteps approached the door leisurely.
My heart was purely in my ears, but nonetheless, the door opened.
Snape looked as he normally did, nothing else about him was different, including his face. He looked indifferent about seeing me at his door. I imagined this outcome, the only other potential outcome was if he'd looked surprised. Then again, I couldn't imagine him to be surprised or taken aback.

I open my mouth, and then close it, until he eventually says,"Can I help you at this fine hour?"

"I need to speak with you...in private."

Snape stubbornly opens the door, letting me in.

I didn't think he'd actually let me in

Snape scoffs at this

Oh right...he can read minds...

He takes us to a small living area. It was rather minimalistic, other than the large amount of books around the room. There sat a hearth and coffee table surrounded by dark green couches. Yet, all the walls were lined with, very full, bookshelves. There were so many that some simply sat in neat stacks against the walls, and a couple made their home on the coffee table, I assumed those were the ones he was reading currently.

"What did you need Miss L/N?"

"I'm sorry," I said plainly, a little cautiously too.

I feared that he would mock me instead of accepting my apology, though I don't know why this man made me so nervous. He makes me feel self conscious in my own skin.

"My my, I think my ears are deceiving me, it almost sounded like you just apologized," he responded with an amused tone.

Before I could respond, Snape cut me off,"What makes you apologize? I suppose it was more than a guilty conscience."

I knew I couldn't lie to him...at least not much.

"I feel like I was far too harsh on you..."

That part was completely true, but I didn't feel inclined to discuss the part Dumbledore played in my change of heart.

"It makes no sense for you to apologize when I started it," he said indifferently, and to my surprise.

"Perhaps so....but I..-"

I worked up the courage, I had no idea what to even say that would amount to what I felt.

"I don't wish for you to be alone all the time," I said, looking anywhere but his face.

Snape raised his eyebrows, not saying anything for a moment,"You worry that I am lonely?"

"Perhaps....sorry I don't know what's come over me"

I felt childish for saying something like that...

The man didn't move a muscle, he just looked at me.  I wished I could read him, I wish I could know what he was thinking, but I say there wringing out my hands nervously and avoiding eye contact.

Snape sighs heavily, and seems to have finally decided what to say...

"I am alone because I have no family or friends left to spend time with.  More so, I have been plagued by many regrets, ones of my past that would not allow me to live a normal life," he says it as if it's the most normal thing to say, and yet it feels so personal.  The man made no emotional or physical response to anything he'd just said. He continues," Though I still do not believe it is of any concern to you."

I admit I didn't know how to respond, all that I managed was,"I'm so sorry.."

I felt a pang of something at his words, although it did not surprise me as much after my previous conversation with the Headmaster.

Snape chuckled lightly, without any sort of malice or resentment," You're the first to ever apologize to me..."

You're the second I've ever told....- Snape had thought (Second to Dumbledore)

The whole thing felt surreal, he'd opened up to me, a little bit at least.  My heart was racing and my voice remained in my throat, I feared I would not say the right thing.  What was the right thing to even say to something like that?

Nevertheless, something came to mind.

"Would you...like to spend Christmas together?", I felt my nerves flare as soon as I said it.

This seemed to make Snape realize that he wasn't the only one who wouldn't really have anyone to celebrate Christmas with," I suppose we could...see about that."

"Alright then...," I look at the time and it's getting late in the afternoon, I need to go see if I've received an owl from Irma yet," I suppose I'll be going, I have some errands to attend to."

I could have probably stayed longer, but I was far too awkward.  In a way, I imagine that Snape was hiding his awkwardness behind his scary facade. Then again, perhaps he was always truly sure of himself.

I turn toward the door, but before I make a full 360, Snape snags my arm and pulls me within a couple inches from him.
I freeze In utter shock, and perhaps in embarrassment.

"Not so fast," he said quietly and seriously,"smell that?"

I sniff him hesitantly...

He smells like perfume..

I smirk slowly, before playfully responding,"Seems like there's a Miss Dungeon Bat."

The man scoffs and rolls his eyes," You're not as slick as you think you are Miss Larue."

My heart sinks a bit, I had been wondering why the perfume smelled so familiar.  Perhaps I'm truly nose blind to it.  I couldn't even think in that moment, it was rather humbling in fact.

"Nothing to say for yourself?," He asks.

"I have no regrets, and if I could go back, I wouldn't change a thing," I say with a small smile.  I'm trying hard not to seem nervous, but I'm sure he can sense it. " I'm not so sure you would have gone with me."  I said this honestly as I let my pride fall some, I was a little disappointed at my own words because of how true they were.

I take my wrist out of his hand and turn to leave, I finally can breathe when I make it out the door, but not before I barely hear something behind me...

"You could have gone as yourself, stupid girl."

One could only imagine how much of a fool a man would have to be to give up such an opportunity to dance with you, even for a night...-Snape had thought to himself.

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