I'm not

july 4

dear vic,

am i really that easy to throw away? am i really not enough? i know i'm not. you've made it clear that i'm not enough.

last night, you kissed me. you had me up against the wall, fisting at your hair, your own hands gripping my hoodie tight only to bring me closer. then you pulled away and uttered those four words that changed everything, "we can't be together ".

i know i shouldn't have ran away from you, but what else could i have done?

i can't stop thinking. the thoughts are so much stronger than they used to be, they've got me trying to carve myself out of my skin. i never told you this, but i suffer from depression. i don't take vitamins, i take anti- depressants.

i can't stop hurting myself, and you won't stop calling. the sound of my phone going off only added on to my panic which forced me to turn off my phone , but now you're calling the house phone. damnit, vic! just stop calling.

i wasn't enough for you, i wasn't enough for matty and i certainly wasn't enough for my dad. love is the only thing that keeps people going in this world, and if i'm not enough to be loved, then what's the point in staying?

i love you, vic.

signed,
kellin.