A Story of Their Lives

Chapter 6

Isaline was glowing. She got married the year before and they bought a house together.

"Who is he? Is it Lorenzo?" I asked.

"Lorenzo?" she paused, trying to remember who that was. "Oh, no, I put the whole Italy part of my life behind me. No, I met Jack at an art exhibition. Kate... You remember Kate, right? She makes stunning pottery, and her collection is displayed there. Unfortunately, my wedding photography is not high-end enough for an exhibition."

"Don't be modest, it's awesome," Clara said.

Clara started pursuing her Ph.D. while I was frozen, working at MIT on some ground-breaking research in robotics. She flew in between big tech conferences where she was giving talks about their projects.

"Look how agile his hands are... It's incredibly hard to achieve that in robotics, Moravec's paradox describes this..." Clara commented while showing us a video of one of their robots.

"Gosh, you're so smart," said Isaline. "Can't wait to see you getting a Nobel Prize or something."

"Personally, I'm aiming for a Turing award," Clara laughed.

We got our brunch order: scrambled eggs with mint, apparently the owner's grandmother's recipe; avocado toasts, banana bread, crepes, pains au chocolat, and delicious coffee.

"So, any plans for you now? Going to finally pursue something?" Clara asked me.

"Well, I've been thinking about making a video game," I said. It was half-true: I've been thinking about it for a very long time but didn't genuinely do anything toward making it.

"That sounds cool, what kind of video game?"

"Euh... It's sort of a visual novel. About making important life decisions. The plot changes depending on what you choose."

They nodded: they'd heard me talking about different projects before. I haven't completed any of them. My dear friends wanted to be supportive and discussed possible ideas for the game, nonetheless, suggesting some game artists they knew. I wrote down some phone numbers, knowing full well that I was not going to call any of them.

Isaline's husband picked her up after our lovely brunch and Clara stayed with me.

"You don't strike me as a person who figured out what they're doing," she said after looking at me for a bit with visible concern.

"I know."

"And you should know that that's fine."

"Said a person who knew what she was going to do since she was five."

"Yes. That doesn't mean my life is better. It's just different."

"Right."

"But?"

"Every time I wake up from the freeze all my fears are confirmed. People around me have everything figured out, they know exactly what they want to do, and they do it so well..."

"Food for thought: you would probably also do all that and more if you actually stayed and worked on it."

"But I wouldn't. I know I wouldn't. By my current age, all of you had specific goals; I still don't. I don't have goals, hobbies, ideas, not even an established personality. Nothing would've changed if I didn't do the freeze," I said, exhausted from having these same conversations with everyone on repeat. "I am truly doing my best trying to figure all of that out. But how can I work on it if I don't know what to work on?"

"And do you think you can magically come up with something within that second when the pod door closes and opens up again?" Clara asked sarcastically. I rolled my eyes. We looked through the window, watching the people passing by the cafe.

"It's probably a horrible thing to say. And I want you to know that I am very happy for all of you, and you deserve the success... But I think secretly a part of me wants to wake up and see that you have average lives. Boring jobs and mediocre hobbies. Not having wonderful trips around Italy, displaying work in art exhibitions, completing Ph. D.s, giving tech talks, and having perfect relationships. The pressure is quite high already."

"You don't know what you want to do, therefore you want us not to know either and fail? Lower our standards, so you do not feel the pressure to make an effort."

"I know how it sounds, save your judgmental tone."

"Nobody expects anything from you. At least anymore. People want to talk to you because we're friends. Alice wants you to be around because you're her freaking sister. Your parents want to be close because they miss you. That's really all you need to do. I truly believe these relationships play the most important role in our lives. Not some tech talks and art exhibitions, are you kidding me? And you're screwing them up. Some people would kill to have a family like yours."

I remained silent because she was right, and I knew that I behaved immaturely. But that just prompted me to think about another freeze as a solution to my problems. I always resorted to running away when facing a difficult situation.

"Remember what I said: you have to try things and commit to them for some time if you want to get a sense of direction on what you want to do with your life," Clara said while paying the bill. She refused to let me pay for my share explaining that she doesn't take money from unemployed people. "Consider it to be my birthday gift to you."

We left the restaurant, and she went back to her lab. I remembered that the following day was special. Probably, that would be the last thing for me to do before the next freeze.