Taylor Swift Imagines - book one (GXG)

3.0 | Be Alright.

TW: Mention of self-harm. Please don't read if triggered. Dms are open, always.

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After a long day of procastinating and being miserable, you get home from school, tired of feeling that way. Your mom wasn't home, as always. Usually she'd stay long hours at the studio, working on new music with your godfather, Jack. It was late, past 4pm. Of course, not late enough to go to bed, but also too late to have a good use of your time. You opened the fridge, hoping that it would have a delicius meal, waiting for you, shining in golden. And of course it didn't, and you'd have to cook for that to happen. Upset but but not surprised, you went up to your room.

Since that morning, a feeling of uneaseament was established on you. But that wasn't a new feeling for you. Being overwhelmed with your own thoughts was more than usual: it was a daily struggle. The wave of bad feelings was on its way: nothingness and poor judgment of yourself. As you felt it coming, you locked yourself in the bathroom and opened your bathroom drawer, looking desperately for something only you knew about: a razor blade.

Your mom had no ideia, but you harmed yourself ever since you were eleven, whilst you were turning sixteen within seven months or so. It all started with a few mixed feelings and hair ties, that later became rage, disgust and rubber bands, that then acalantes yo your current situation. Although you'd been doing that for more than three years, Taylor had never noticed. Of course you didn't blame her, but maybe deep down you wished she'd know, to help you quit. But you felt like it wasn't gonna happen anytime soon;

The words from the media keep echoing in your head. It's warped your brain in a way you couldn't explain, not even if you wanted to.

"How can my mom be so successful when I'm such a loser?"

"How come my mother is Taylor Swift? I don't deserve her. She's too good for me."

You said to yourself, taking a hold of the blade, sitting on the cold tiles of the floor. You pressed the blade on your soft but already harmed and used skin as you began to cry. Watching the blood drip from your arms with you salty tears mixing along with the blood. You did that a few more times, not realizing how deep you actually pressed the blade onto your skin. It was so terrifying to know that this had so much bright colors to be so disgraceful.

As you did it a few more times, you heard Taylor's voice.

"Hey darling, I'm home!" You panicked just at the thought of Taylor saying you in that situation.

"Darling? Where are you?" Taylor kept looking for you everywhere. Suddenly, you hear her footsteps getting closer. She wasn't supposed to be home, at least not for a couple hours. The stroke of your panic was when you realized that you had never locked the door, but you just thought you did.

"Y/n!" Taylor screamed in panic through the hallway. As you started to stand up to lock the door, it opened from the outside. Taylor's smile faded at the sight of you seating miserably with your bloody wrist.

"Oh my God!" She took a couple steps closer just to find the blade you had used, covered in the reddest tone she had ever seen. "Baby.." she said, as she dropped to the ground, sobbing. Knelt to the ground, sitting by your side.

You kept crying m, thinking of what she was going to do next. Scream? Kick you out? Ground you?

Instead of doing any of that, she grabbed you and placed you on her lap, allowing you to cry and collapse on her. Soon enough, you heard small sobs coming from your moms throat.

"I'm sorry, mom. I really am."

"You don't need to be." You never wanted Taylor to see you in such position, ever. Her voice was breaking, and that was a fact as clear as day. The sadness of her voice caught you unprepared.

"Let me see, angel." She grabbed your wrist faintly, and took a wet cloth to them. You tried to hide it from her by pulling your arm but she didn't let it go. She cleaned them gently and lifted your chin as you were on her lap, sobbing uncontrollably.

"You don't have to tell me anything right now, but I'm always available." She told you.

"I'm so so sorry mom, I didn't want you to see this. I didn't mean to, it's just..."

" I get it, I have my battles too. Don't be ashamed of these, they will tell a story words could never. I'm here with you, breathe."

"You're mad at me, aren't you? For not telling you sooner."

"I could never be mad at you! I'm mad at me for not noticing you were struggling so much! I don't want you feel pressured to respond, but if we have such a good relationship, why didn't you reach out to me? I would never judge you, baby." Taylor said, looking at you.

" I don't know. I guess I didn't want to let you down."

"How come, princess?"

"You're one of the biggest popstars the world has ever seen but your bratty and ungrateful child has self harm issues. How stupid does that sound? I'm sorry you have such a shitty daughter. You deserve better."

"Hold up one second. Who told you that's how I feel about you? Darling, you're my best friend in the entire world. You're my favorite person, my firstborn, my first choice! I'm so blessed to have you as my kid and I'm so proud of how have we both have grown and come. You're my angel! Do you think I'd really make you 'Never Grow Up' if I didn't actually love you?" She said, kissing your forehead.

"I'm sorry for not noticing it earlier." Taylor commented, while stroking your beautiful hair." Can you just answer me one question?" Taylor asked.

"Sure, I guess."

"How long have you been harming yourself?"

"Mom..."

"Please, Y/n, that's all I want to know."

"I don't know? Eleven, maybe?" You said, as Taylor broke down into tears. She kept apologizing to you.

"I'm the worst mother to ever exist" she murmured under her breath. "It's okay, my baby. We'll get you feeling good again, alright? We'll find you help in no time. You're my beautiful little girl and you will always be. Just please remember that you're not alone, precious. I love you, okay? Let's clean this up.

The blood didn't stop coming out of your veins, so once again Taylor gabbed your arms and pressed the wet cloth over your arms to stop the bleeding. Taylor had a first aid kit and bandaged your perfectly and deep aligned cuts.

"Can you wait a second? I will be right back."

"After a few minutes, Taylor came back with a black Sharpie pen.

"May I?" She asked and you nodded.

"What are you doing?" You furrowed your brows.

"I am drawing stars around your scars, my darling."

After she finished drawing it, she kissed your arms and held you to kiss you at the top of your head.

"Mother?"

"Yes, baby?" She responded calmly.

"Thank you for this, I really appreciate everything you've done for me my whole life. I really, deeply love you, but what the fuck are these supposed to be?" You flagged at her so said stars.

"Stars, do you like dem?" She said as you both giggled.

Yeah, maybe your mother was right. Maybe everything was gonna be alright, or maybe not. You couldn't be sure of anything but that your mother would be with you for every inch of the way. Yeah, you could be certain of that.

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What do y'all think so far? Sorry for always asking this, I live for validation 🆘🆘🆘

Also, sorry this one is a bit short, I ran out of ideia mid writing.

Feel free to request anything.

Thank you for your attention, night night sleep tight.
🫶