September 3,2016
We were in the Philippines when I heard the most devastating news I've ever heard.
"Your halmeoni passed away." It rings in my ears repeatedly. I dropped my phone, and tears are flowing so hard. I can't breathe.
Suga Hyung hugged me tightly and gave his condolences. I am staring at Jokoy while crying. He is at the back of Suga Hyung.
Jokoy is hesitant to go near me because, at that time, we're not on good terms. We had a few small misunderstandings before flying to the Philippines.
"Hyung, Halmeoni left me." I told Suga Hyung while my eyes were fixed on Jokoy. Suga Hyung tapped my back.
The members hugged me one by one until Jokoy's turn. Hyungs are looking at both of us.
He walked slowly towards me while also crying. "Voo. I'm sorry. This is hard for you. I'm sorry, baby." he told me before throwing his body into mine. I hugged him immediately and cried into him so hard.
The sound of my cry became louder, along with Jokoy's. "Baby, Halmeoni is gone now. The person who raised me and was with me through ups and downs has left me already." I cried even more when reality started to sink in.
I was so down during our stay in the Philippines, but I tried to compose myself during concerts and interviews. Regardless of my efforts, the Army notices how my emotions change quickly, from happy to sad. They are worried, but I cannot yet disclose the real reason; I can't talk yet about how my grandmother passed away.
Many things have happened, and all I want now is my halmeoni. I succeeded, and I wanted her to watch me receive awards, but she was gone. She left me.
The day has come that I have had the courage and composed myself to tell the whole world about Halmeoni. Everyone was crying with me that day, and I remember every detail about my grandmother. Mochi hugged me and cried with me that night.
But I know Halmeoni is proud of me and watching over me. She is like a blue parrot that will fly to me to wish me a good day every day.
I know my Halmeoni is in a good place now and sleeping like a winter bear, having the best night of her life every night.
When I get hurt, suffer in pain, am disappointed, discriminated, hated, or feel discouraged, I am talking to Halmeoni. I believe in angels, and Halmeoni is one of them.
"Halmeoni, I am hurt. Can you please show me your face?" I will close my eyes and imagine her face. Her silhouette will suddenly say hello to me. The pain in my heart will slowly subside; the longer I suffer, the longer she will stay with me. I am crying so hard.
"I want to tell you everything. How has everything been so hard for me since you were gone." I am staring at her; she smiled, and I closed my eyes when I felt her touch into my face. I will feel her warmth and cold until I fall asleep.
I wrote a song for my grandmother. I showed it to Jokoy and let him listen to the track as well. After listening, I talked to him.
"Can you please take care of me? Can you promise me that you will never hurt me? Can you please be brave enough to fight for me? I cannot tell all my heartaches to Umma and Appa. It will hurt them. Please, be careful with my heart." Jokoy nodded and hugged me. He even asked me to make a music video of it, and he will film me.
I cannot tell everything to my parents; my parents did their best to have me in this world, and I will also do my best to have my happiness.
"Halmeoni, I miss you. You will stay in my heart forever." I lit the candle, covered it, and closed my eyes to send prayers for my halmeoni's death anniversary today, September 3, 2023.
#TAEKOOKAU
🐻🐰💚💜🥺😭
PHOTO CREDIT TO THE RIGHTFUL OWNER
