I am aware. Before it all happened, I knew already.
Jungkook is aware. He knew that I loved him more than what he had.
We were both aware that our friendship was about to break when we crossed the line. We were both ready to accept the consequences of our broken friendship.
In 2015, when the air we were both breathing changed from the others. It was me who initiated the first move. He was always in my head, and I always made plans for our weekends. I always told him where we were going and what we were doing over the weekend. It started as a friendly hangout. Like we always do, we play games, we stroll around Seoul, we eat dinner, and we stay awake all night.
We were together often compared to other members. Indeed, the seven of us have been living together since our pre-debut, but the moment Jungkook and I locked gazes, we were inseparable. We were too close. We share emotions and think as one.
We know from the very start that what we have and feel for each other is not platonic, and we are more than just brothers.
I was wounded because of him at first. He was scared. He wasn't ready. Confused is the best word for what he felt. But at the same time, he was afraid to lose me. We could always stay as friends. I never forced him to love me back. I gave him time to realize what he really felt for me. But I always go back to where we started, have deep feelings for him, and stay with him in his bed. I wait for him like forever. I was always slumbered on lonely nights just to keep myself together. But he never pushed me away.
When I tried to leave him and give him space, he squeeze his body into mine. He linger around me and sulk when i ignore him. I fall for him first, but never imagine he will fall for me harder.
Until one day, it was January 26, 2016, we crossed the line. He and I crossed the line. Because wouldn't it make sense if I were his and he was mine? I always called him baby, and he was so possessive of me, got jealous when I am surrounded by other idols or if I spend too much time with them, despite those possessiveness we still call each other friends? Friends don't say words that make them feel more than just friends. It doesn't make any sense.
So we cross it. He embrace me tighter than how I hugged him. He dominates me the moment he accepted my love for him. Gave me more than he received.
We left our broken friendship behind us and stopped pretending. We end our friendship to be lovers. And accepted the fact that we cannot deny each other anymore and we cannot turn around and go back to being friends again. We are always more than that. We will never be the same because the former friends are now husbands.
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