Life As A Devil Is Unexpectedly Wrong

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"Please go on a date with me!"

...What kind of insane and twisted joke did I have the ever misfortune of hearing on my way to school?

Did I, Hachiman Hikigaya, just experience the one thing that every horny teenage male dreamed of in their high school lives at least once?

Was I, Hachiman Hikigaya, lucky enough to be confessed by a cute and beautiful girl?!

Yeah right, like that'll ever happen.

"No." A clean and clear refusal.

I quickly walk past her, not even glancing at her face. In retrospect, I guess I should have been nicer in turning her down, yet the thought of her friends possibly watching or even recording her confessing to me as a dare leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

Why am I convinced that her confession is a dare, even though I don't see anybody else other than us on this street?

Let me list it out: we don't know each other, her looks surpasses that of a supermodel, and the biggest reason of them all...

Who would actually want to go out with me out of their own free will?

With all of those reasons, it is logical to conclude that she is being forced to ask me out by her friends. Why did they choose me? Who knows, but it's easy to guess.

...Of course, there is that 0.00001% that she was actually being truthful and asking me out on a date but...

I don't feel like deluding myself again nor being a part of a sick twisted joke.

...It's only morning and my day is already ruined. Hopefully, I don't have to deal with anything annoying today...

*DXODXDODXO*

"Hikigaya, please explain to me what did you handed in as your work for the assignment I gave just now?"

...You just had to wait until school was over to break my hope. Really. After school. Damn it life.

"...Sensei asked us to give our experience as high school students and I recounted mine, wrote it down, then handed it to you."

She smiles, a smile that sends a shiver down my spine and my survival instinct into overdrive, "Experience as high school students, not a depressing story that can kill a man with its negativity."

"Sensei, that is an exaggeration of an age equal to yours an -"

I double over with my hands holding my stomach, "Don't ever mention my age, brat." I let out a few harsh coughs at the sudden punch to the gut.

...God damn this christmas cake of a teac -

"Mind telling me what's on your mind, Hi ki ga ya."

"I only thought of how right and beautiful you are and that I won't mention your age again." Wow, my life preservation instinct really surprised me right there. Who knew I was that desperate to live?

She sighs then slowly gets up from her seat, "Hikigaya, follow me. We're changing location."

"...Can I refuse?"

"Sure, if you want to get zero marks from me for your exams."

"...Abuse of power much. Marvelous corruption here."

"Ah, cheer up Hikigaya, the place I'm bringing you will help shape you into a normal human being! One that won't torture me with his depressing essays!"

*DXODXODXO*

"Apologies, Hiratsuka-sensei, but I will not accept him into the club."

...Really? Sensei, you wanted me to join a club, as a way to shape me into a normal human being? That, that's what your plan really amounted to? I mean sure, the girl standing before us is beautiful and all, and I know how the right kind of girl can change a boy to be better, but...