One Love, A Thousand Lifetimes

Chapter 52

Bruce was eating a bowl of fruit when Natasha came into the kitchen the next morning.

"Did you get any sleep," she asks.

"Not much."

He's always had trouble sleeping after a few minutes in the lab. It didn't help that he felt guilty about keeping such a big secret from Tony, and the witches being back made Bruce's mind go a million miles an hour.

Bruce hears the Hulk growl, and he rubs his neck. His head was pounding a bit from the exhaustion and stress. Bruce didn't know how much longer he could keep the Hulk contained if he suddenly got angry.

His thoughts are interrupted when he hears Natasha ask, "Promise me you'll go to bed early tonight?"

He nods and watches as she fixes a bowl of cereal.

_______

While Bruce is in the lab, he's looking over his, Steve and Bucky's blood work, figuring out the differences in the serum.

Sometimes Bruce wondered what it would have been like if he had taken the serum instead of Steve. Would he have had to go in the ice or would he have come up with something different?

If he did go into the ice, would Natasha have moved on like Peggy Carter? He hoped she would have because if anyone deserves a happy and fulfilling life, it's Natasha. She knows him well enough to know that he would have wanted her to meet someone else if he was on the ice with no chance of returning home.

He was only a little jealous of Steve, but only because his serum was perfect and had no effect on him, whereas the gamma version turned Bruce into the Hulk. He never asked for this and neither did Bucky, but Steve did. Maybe that was the biggest contrast.

Steve wanted to be a soldier; Bruce was practically drafted by Ross. Steve wanted to be a super soldier; Bruce was forced to test his own creation. Steve wanted to be a hero; Bruce only became one because he wanted to try and to do some good in the world, to make amends for the blood he had spilled. However, both he and his teammate want to help people.

Bruce sighs and saves his work before turning in for the night. Tony had left hours ago at Pepper's request, so there was no one there to ask him to stay later.

"Dr. Banner!"

He turns to see Bucky entering the lab.

"Yeah," he asks as he takes his glasses off and folds them, then puts them in his shirt pocket.

"The people who can help with the programming, can I call them?"

Bruce nods as he takes a piece of paper out of his pocket and hands it to the other man.

"Here's their number. Ask for Shuri. She knows about you, so she'll immediately take your call."

"Thank you," Bucky says.

Bruce can sense there's more to it so he asks, "It's the nightmares, isn't it? And the never-ending question of wondering where you're going to wake up next without knowing what happened?"

Bucky nods as he says, "The Winter Soldier is still there and I don't want someone to say the keywords that will make me hurt someone again, because no matter how hard I fight it, I'll turn back into a killing machine. I need to find a way to free myself. I don't blame myself for what James did, but if I can prevent another person from using me, then I'll take what I can get."

"Not blaming yourself is wise. I wish I had that attitude when I became the Hulk."

"I remember the footage and whatever the Hulk does, it isn't your fault. He seems..."