Terminal

20. Hold on to Me, Angel

September 10th

Dear Journal, 

It is the first day of school, well of me teaching as a new music teacher. I am working at Hollywood Academy of Music, and I am super excited to be doing this. After l left my music career behind and went back to school, I felt a sense of calm and relaxation away from the media. However, I miss music. She is my first love, and the first way I was able to express myself without judgment but with praise. 

Joseph thinks I am going to run back to the industry after the first week of teaching, but the joke is on him. I will never come back to such a villainous and nasty industry no matter how much they offer me money.

Just this week, there were twenty tabloid rags out about Jermaine and this girl he was spotted with at a party. She is the daughter of our ex-record executive, Berry Gordy, her name is Hazel. Jermaine always liked her, but being focused on the music, I think he thought she slipped through his hands. 

After Motown kind of faded away, Joseph was able to have enough money to start his own label and continue our career. Jermaine is doing great, especially since he released the song I wrote for him, Carousel. He asks me for songs from time to time, and it's because he knows I am always writing music.

I do want to release it, but I hate the industry in which we have to go through to release it. So, I give him songs I am not really too interested in keeping. Well, I wish Jermaine luck within this industry, and I wish myself luck at my first week of teaching. I am excited to meet the students and my new co-workers. I wonder if I would ever meet someone like my brothers do.

Present Day

Sariah's Point of View: 

"So, you made progress, and you are walking. What brought this on?" Dr. Abbott asked as we were sitting in the garden soaking up the last bit of summer. 

"I have finally told Michael that I love him." I say to her as she makes notes.

"So, you have overcame your paralyzing fear of saying you love someone, and in turn, it unblocked your physical paralysis?" Dr. Abbott assess.

"If you were to put it in terms, I guess so. All I know is I woke up from having a great day celebrating Michael's birthday. I had to go to the bathroom, and I just did it all on my own." I say to her as I watch a gardener picking the Forever Susans. Michael had decided to put them in an arrangement for me to have around the house. 

"This is great progress, Sariah; I do believe that there's a shift within you. One that is showing a lighter and happier side. I think a few more solo sessions, and then you can have one with Michael like you wanted. How have things been between the two of you?" Dr. Abbott asked. 

"Good, things are moving in the right direction, although he almost had an aneurysm because we had a pregnancy scare after his birthday the other night. I took a test yesterday, and it said I wasn't pregnant, I have my follow-up checkup at the hospital later on this week, so I will get a more official test then." I say to her as I giggle thinking about how Michael had a bit of a sigh of relief.

"And how did that make you feel?" She continues to ask, and I felt a slight chill from the breeze. 

"Honestly, I wouldn't mind if I was pregnant, I am glad that I am not pregnant, though. There is much more work I need to do for myself before I think I could be someone's mother. I haven't given it much thought until Michael had brought it up before in our relationship. I think I have the capabilities to be a good mother, but I don't know if I would ever be ready. I mean, my parents sacrifice a lot for me yet aren't here to see the fruits of their labor. What if that happens to my child? I would feel like I am passing on the burden of loneliness and guilt to them that I feel. A continuous cycle that is never-ending." I say to Dr. Abbott.