Still Yours

4 / Just Like Kids

DAY 47 WITHOUT NIALL / DAY 30 WITH NIALL

... in which Laney breaks a few rules for her own good. Niall brings out the worst in her. But it's so much fun. Whether it's sharing a cigar with your sister's husband in honour of the man you loved and lost, or letting this man convince you to sneak into a private park before sunset to do things no one should ever catch you doing, there's something about taking risks that unexpectedly appeals to her. If only Niall wouldn't make it so damn hard for her to make out whether being with him is worth the risk. And if only there weren't all these other women and Niall's loose tongue...

I want him to shut up. If he says it, no matter whether he means it or not, oh god, if he says it, I'm doomed. I'm fucked. Forever. Until I fucking die. I hastily grab his face and press my lips on his. He smiles into the sudden kiss and lets his hands slide down my sides. I push him against the stone at the statue's feet, tug on his collar and turn around to swap positions.

"Jesus Christ, Laney.", he groans, slipping his big hand under my thigh, letting me bite him again. "Always so fuckin' aggressive, baby, you need to learn to be a liddle more gentle with me."

***

DAY 47 WITHOUT NIALL

"Come here." My mother wraps her arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug. Her light blonde hair smells like jasmin and lavender. "My Laney." She kisses my temple before she lets go to look at my face in that perusing way only mothers are capable of. After half a minute of inspection, she nods and says: "You look much better. So much better, raindrop."

The pride in her voice is making me sick. I may appear a little happier, a little healthier, a little heavier than I did some weeks ago, but despite my spring tan, the inevitable weight gain that comes with the regular meals Bonnie insists on helping me getting used to again and my halfhearted attempt at ressurrecting the makeup skills I had to teach myself back when I started to regularly attend public events with Niall, I still feel like a walking corpse. Just a prettier one.

I'm nothing but an empty shell, a desperate little promise of a Laney that could come back if she had any motivation or reason at all. And I'm trying to accept that I'll most likely remain in that state of carelessness for the rest of my existence.

"Thank you.", I mutter. "I'm feeling so much better, too." That's the first lie of the day. There's surely plenty more to come.

"Are you?", she quietly asks, stroking my hair. "You know I can tell when you're not being honest. If you wanna talk, we can-"

"Mum."

"I'm sorry, Laney. I'm just worried about you." She kisses my forehead before she inhales to continue in a higher, enthausiastic voice. "Come in, come in then! Mags and Josh are here already. And there's someone else who's impatiently awaiting you, too."

Before she even gets to finish her sentence, a big lump of brown fur throws itself against my legs and I stumble backwards, holding on to the bead curtain behind me not to fall.

"Bella!"

I drop to my knees and allow my overgrown puppy to lick my cheek before I turn my head and force her into a short embrace, no matter how much she despises it. "I've missed you. Missed you, missed you, missed you."

"She missed you, too.", my dad remarks as he steps out of the kitchen. "And so did I."

I get back up again and let him hug me, too. "I'm glad you're here.", he says. "You look beautiful."

I'm thankful he keeps it at that brief compliment.

Bella brings me a pink little ball she must have stolen from Ziggy or Bob. I know she has a great time at what my parents call Sundays' little petting zoo, but I still feel like a heartless monster for having given her away in first place.