Memories

~3~

  

Obsessive-compulsive disorder: the addiction of biting nails.

Autophobia: Fear of being alone

***

For the whole car ride I was biting my nails; I had an addiction since I was 3.

My mom brought me to the doctors, they said eventually it will stop, but it never did.

I bite my nails when after a panic attack, I have panic attacks very often, I had one before I left.

I used to have Autophobia, but I go to therapy, now it's gone. I also had anxiety and panic attacks at that time, I got lost in a park with so many trees and barely any people, my parents were nowhere to be found, I was too afraid to ask around. I fell onto the grass, sat down and had a panic attack thinking scary things like-! I will have to stay here forever! ? Is my life over? I am going to get killed in one night, who knows, probably kidnapped or murdered. I wanted to scream so bad, but I couldn't, - I couldn't let it out. I grabbed my hair so hard.

I fell to the ground panicking ( I was only seven at the time this was happening), I was hopeless. That was the worst case of a panic attack I ever had.

I bumped my head on the ground, everything blacked-out, I woke up and I saw my mom and dad worried. I got up, hugged them, and guess what, I was biting my nails.

" We're here," my mom yelled relieved, my dad looked at her then back at me I had just woken up from my childhood dream.

" Yay," I shouted sarcastically, still feeling guilty. Honestly, I didn't want to go, even for a million dollars; I feel like if I did go then the guilt would squeeze my heart then.... Kill me.

" Alexa G Regio," - " Are you the visitor for G. Joe," A doctor called out to me from the counter-top.

I stood up, with the get-well-soon balloon in my hand, with flowers. " Mom, they called us." I told my parents in a rush. They shook their heads.

" You go first, then we go," my dad said pointing to the door " We'll be waiting for you outside there." He told me as if I was some tourist.

I looked at my dad with the same sharp glance mom gave him. He chuckled, then opened his phone and pretended he wasn't watching me walk to the door.

The door creaked open. A guy pale as paper was laid on a hospital bed, his hair blended in. He looked at me with his hazel eyes, just like my mom.

" Mio caro nipte, I haven't seen you since you were 6," - " I miss you." Did he just call me "My dear grandchild" the reason I know this is because Grandpa Juliano always used to say that –

" I know why you came to me in the deli." he said, he placed the reading glass in my hand, then I put it in the pocket, still shocked.

He looked at me and reached for my hands. " You're no- not dead," I trembled. I was so shocked.

I heard footsteps behind me.

It was Rutus, I saw her just earlier today. The sun was coming out but it was still raining. It was silent as everybody was secretly scared when they saw her. (Everybody as in me and Grandpa Juliano.)

She came with a special someone, it was a boy with emerald eyes as green as Rutus, his teeth looked like they were ready to hunt deer enough for the whole village. His clothes were covered with black stains. He looked not so much older than me, but way taller.