The Third Party // { markson } ✅ COMPLETED ✅

Chapter 12

There was a hollow feeling in his chest that's growing deeper and bigger as he sat there on the bench in front of Mark's hospital room. Yesterday was just a mess. He fought with Youngji for the first time, fought with Mark's stalker, found out that Mark tried to kill himself and to top it all off was the realization that he was in love with his best friend.

Even if the doctor had already told them that Mark was fine and stable, Jackson can't help thinking otherwise. Nothing will ever be fine again. Not Mark's condition or their relationship. And there was no one to blame but himself. Added to the fact that beyond the white wall was Mark lying unconsciously in a hospital bed with a bandage heavily wrapped around one delicate wrist, the guilt was slowly eating him up alive. It was like bacteria, a virus, eating his insides.

He ran his hands through his hair for the nth time, elbows propped on his knees as he hang his head low. He was too ashamed to show his face to anyone. It's like everyone's giving him stares, as if they knew what was wrong with him and they're judging him for it. They could feel their eyes burning holes on his already small figure and the anxiety kept rising and rising that when someone laid a hand on his shoulder, he jerked away violently, eyes falling on a familiar figure standing beside him.

Youngji.

Blinking his eyes rapidly, Jackson could only stare at her in surprise and stifled a gasp when she sat on the seat right next to him as if he only just realized that she was indeed there with him. His eyes never left her and he was too shocked to even respond with her small smile. Suddenly, he realizes that he had forgotten about her. When she left him to give him space, he was busy with his thoughts of Mark that he forgot to consider his girlfriend's feelings. And there he goes again, doing the same thing that led to this mess. That realization had released the dam he kept bottle inside, fat ugly tears streaming down his cheeks as he doesn't know what to do anymore. He wanted everything to be better again but there are so many things that need to be done and clarified and he doesn't exactly know where to start.

He could only cry harder when he felt her arms wrapped around him, pulling him into a hug. There were no words spoken as she let him cry, occasionally rubbing soothing circles on his back. The gesture was comforting but it wasn't enough to ease the growing tension in his heart but only intensified it. He wasn't deserving of the hug nor did he deserve to receive such kindness, especially from her.

When he calmed down, his cries had been reduced to hiccups and sniffles. He pulled away from the hug and thankfully, Youngji gave him enough time to collect himself. His eyes fell on his fingers, fiddling on it restlessly as his mind went from Youngji and back to Mark. He had never felt so frustrated at choosing between the two people he holds dear. He had never meant to be in a situation where he has to give up someone else so no one would end up hurting but he had to admit that the process of choosing is painful enough to send him - or anyone - on edge.

"I'm sorry." Jackson managed to say, his voice hoarse from crying.

"I know."

Whipping his head to her direction, Jackson could only wish he could get rid of that look on her face. There was pain on her usual sparkling orbs and Jackson hated himself for being the root cause of it, and he hated himself even more when he saw understanding and forgiveness on that same eyes. He bit on his lips to keep himself from breaking down again. He didn't want to burden her anymore.

"This - whatever this is - is different, Youngji. I -"

"I forgive you."

Jackson let out a frustrated growl. "You can't!"

"Why?"

"Because I don't deserve it!" Jackson cried. "I've been nothing to you but trouble, a burden. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? It makes me want to isolate myself from everyone else so I won't end up hurting anyone! But that's useless now as I've already caused not only Mark, but you also, pain. I was selfish and self-centered. And just because you told me that you forgive me, doesn't mean that you'd forget about everything that happened!"