Long Time Gone

Chapter 18

Determined as I was to take rational and compromised steps in my new lifestyle, I did end up making a handful of dollars by not just selling the golden pocket watch, but also getting rid of the fancy uniform dresses rewarded by the Vanderbilts. I sold them to a parlour lady who ran a little vintage vanity store in the Times Square.

By the time I was done, evening had already fallen. The New Yorkers were slowly returning to their homes, keen to meet the next day with all smiles.

Unlike them, I had no place to call home, neither I adorned any like smile. Fear gnawed at my gut. My vulnerability against my own safety hyperventilated me. How can I manage to live off my own in these streets? Even for a single night?

Despite shaking visibly, I firmly told myself to be brave and face my fate. After all, getting freshly revoked from a lifestyle so posh does make a person so unaware of the hardships of the common life.

My eyes stung with tears while my head ached from the constant blaring of the horns of the departing New York traffic. Therefore, I decided to move away from the main roads. Resultantly, I wandered out of the Times Square and walked into New York's infamous Central Park.

With an astonished gaze, I scanned the park in its night's glory. The trees of different shapes and sizes were capped with the white snow, where fairy lights were installed in their branches to give off a magical ambience. Critters and night creatures softly hushed in between the gentle dances of the leaves. They altogether created a relaxing environment, good enough for me to dissolve in till all my problems dissipated.

The park was vacant, with only a few people in sight. I watched these people move about, covered in layers of clothing to protect them against the night's coldness. It occured to me that they were homeless just like I was- but unlike me, they seemed to be familiar with their lifestyle.

How long have they been homeless, and how much they suffered was unknown to me, but my heart sank to a point upon realizing how blinded I was with my own glory and fame to take note of the common people around me. My vision was clouded with the veil of luxury, and now I'm realizing how insanely degrading it was of me to be ignorant of the people below me.

A shuddered sob escaped from my mouth and I sat down on a vacant wooden bench, hugging myself as fresh tears enveloped my sight. Chills ran down my spine, colder than the weather. My body and brain felt numbed, whereas my soul felt tired and drained.

That was the first time I cried that day. I didn't weep, but sobbed silently in my palms. And when the sudden wave of sad emotions departed, I arranged my bags as makeshift pillows on the bench, laying my head down on them and sniffling away the last of my tears.

Hugging my knees to my chest, I begged my mind to surrender to slumber. However, as I was a stranger to my newfound homelessness, my mind refused to doze off. It restricted me to go to sleep and urged me to remain at my guard throughout the night.

Hence, I never slept. The weather somehow got chiller with the passing hour. The breeze was stronger as well, shaking the trees and plantation that surrounded me. I shook violently in my position, burying my face in my hat and hugging myself tighter.

On that moment, I was again reminded of the warmth Bob Dylan emitted. He was the epitome of my desire. He was my one and only wish and I truly craved his presence in this loneliness of the night.

Unfortunately, Bob's feelings towards me were extremely negative. The last thing he expressed to me was how much he hated me. He hated me for the ignorant person I had become. He despised me for my selfishness and no power of mine could undo my actions. He forever resented me now, and I will forever crave his love.