Long Time Gone

Chapter 25

God's love is said to be 66 times stronger than a mother's love. He makes you, structure you out of a lifeless clay and shape you into a functioning human being. You're His creation, and He loves you despite all the sins you commit- because in the end, love and only love wins.

But just like a mother's love, God has got His own favorites, although He keeps it a secret for favouring them over the others. The favourites are granted with a blissful life- full of good wealth and health. These people are made to be flawless, whether it be physically or emotionally. They never seem to suffer or commit a sin. In fact, they're God's angels, just like He intended to make them.

But on the other hand, there's a small- just a small bunch of people that God neglect. The negligence is only natural in love, but these people are bound to suffer, whether they asked for it or not. They are born under a cursed star, shattered with a luck so dampened and a mind so deluded. Yet- they're the ones who seek God the most.

Therefore, it is settled that only the neglected desire for the holy attention, for clutching on the invisible string of seldom hope is all they have got to continue on.

That was the case with me. I was one of the neglected people God chose to sit back and watch them suffer. Nevertheless, I clutched desperately onto the small bead of light in my life which I called hope. But it seemed to be extinguishing on every breath I took.

It had been a whole week since my arrival in Canterville, and throughout this time, I had been greeted by one bad news than the other.

The first came in the shape of Mr Campbell, the old clergyman who now owned the cottage and the barn. He proposed his hand in marriage with me, which I had straightforwardly said no to. I can only wonder why he was stalling to whisk the roof over my head.

The second bad news was the behavior of not only Auntie Martha, but the whole village towards me. They seem to forget who I was, because I wasn't much of an attention drawer back in the day. It was Bob they sought and despised, not me. Hence, I was a mere face in their memory. But their exotic behavior towards me explained their obvious respect for Mr Campbell, and my renowned rejection for his hand. The people wordlessly judged me for refusing the hand of the clergyman, because in doing so- I was refusing him the cure for his sickness. The old rumored sleeping-with-a-virgin cure.

The last bad news was the biggest mistake of my life, yet it was also the best thing that has ever happened to me. A week later, I figured that my nausea and lightheadedness might be linked to my possible pregnancy.

Yes, I found out that I was pregnant.

It happened on the initiation of a new week. I had to get up abruptly in the early hours of morning to puke out all the dinner I had previously. There, I realized that I missed my monthly periods, and with a trembling heart, I connected the dots and came to know that indeed an offspring was gradually growing in my lower abdomen.

Rushing back to my room, I gaped at myself in the dark reflection of the mirror. Untying the knot of my night gown, I cautiously lifted my shirt to reveal my belly, which was flat for now. With a trembling hand, I caressed my lower abdomen, and felt an unearthly sensation, as if something- or someone, was in the making.

Alone with no one else in the room, I let out a horror struck gasp. It was natural for girls to feel this shocked, and I was completely overwhelmed with the realization of a baby growing inside of me. The thought was too obstruct and it led me to burst into silent tears.

Drastic thoughts started spinning in my mind, while anxiety peaked my emotions.

Pregnancy? What was this newfound duty I had to pay heed to? And how come I was this careless when I slept with Bob last time around?