Everythings Changed.

The word Gay.

I am so sorry it's taken sooo long! I  have so many new ideas! So get ready because Nogoodinthis is back! xx<3

"Hey Louis I'm here!" Harry opened my new front door and placed his keys back in his back pocket, the lanyard falling down his thigh. I smiled and made my way down the hallway. Lyla hugged to my side and Lauren holding my free hand.

"Hey how you been?" I asked him when I came closer. His green eyes seemed a bit darker than I had ever seen. He wore black jeans with boots and an old t-shirt.

"I've been good. I miss you." Harry crossed his arms over his chest. I couldn't help but want to jump into his arms and hug him. Tell him that I miss him and that I want our family back. I want all of it.

"Well I will see you guys tomorrow." I broke from my awkward stare at Harry and kissed both of the girls goodbye as I helped him carry the girls to the car. I watched Harry intentally. I loved him so much.

The way his curls were fading away yet so bouncy made me smile. His dimples that hadn't been shown since we broke up made me long to make him smile. His emerald eyes seemed more of a dark green now. He was thinner now. It had only been three weeks yet I wanted nothing more than to hug him ad kiss him.

"This has got to stop Louis. We cannot keep doing this. Just let me know okay? When I drop them off tomorrow, yes or no. If not I will look for my own house, if yes then I will move back home. Louis I love you. Just think about it please." Harry kissed my forehead and closed the back seat door after I placed Lyla in her seat.

I didn't say anything. Not when he kissed me. Not when he hugged me. Not even when he drove away. I just stared and watched him leave with my babies in the back of his car. My heart ached for Harry. He was my everything. My bestfriend, my boyfriend, my lover, my Haz. He was mine.

Nothing seemed to make sense anymore, he was there but after him not trusting me would I really be able to just forgive him? If he couldn't trust me with a girl then how would he ever trust me alone with another man? Was us being together any god for the girls even? Was he serious about this? So many different things raced through my brain at the moment.

I was still standing at the side of my driveway a half an hour later thinking about the words Harry's raspy voice had spoken to me. I could still see his car backing out of the driveway. When a raindrop hit my nose I realized that I had been staring at a lot of nothing for a long time. The paps had gotten pictures of me crying, which I didn't know I was doing. They had seen me weak. That was one thing I had promised myself when One Direction became huge. Never let the paps see you upset I told myself everyday. But now everything is changed.

When I made that promise to myself I was eighteen and dating Macy quietly under the radar. Now I am twenty one with two kids and I am gay. The word seemed to cause so much hate last year. I hated the word so much. It fucked up Eleanor and I. It made Harry and I weird around eachother. "Gay." Was just a word not. Now I say it daily. I say "Hi I am Louis Tomlinson of One Direction and I am gay. Gay. Gay. Gay. It became a realization to me that Eleanor and I were messed up of our own. And Harry and I, the word gay had little to do with it. Well actually it had everything to do with it. It was our reason for drifting apart. Because both of us were just a little to afraid of using the word to describe us.

I had never thought that I would be a dad. I never thought I could love someone so much as I love my daughters. I try not to think about it but it hurts endlessly to think of how Macy kept them from me. She just kept it to herself. Then she killed herself. Just left the girls. That was it. That's all they did for her was help her jump off the edge of insanity.I love my daughters.

In the books you read that your heart swells and you get butterflies. That it wouldn't take thinkinng to jump infront of an aimed gun to save the life of your children. You read very cliche things in story books. But it's all true. I couldn't love myself a year ago let alone two beautiful girls. They mean the world to me and it's true. I would jump infront of a gun for them. I would do anything to keep their little breathes going. To keep them around.

Lyla and Lauren were my sunshine. That's corny. Something else that's true. Being a father changes you. I'm a big ball of mush now, some may mistake that for the gay. It's not though. The girls have made me emotional and I don't know how to explain it. You have no idea how deep the love of a father runs in my veins.

I passed a picture sitting on the tall table in the hallway. On the dark oak table was a key dish for your keys, magazines and tissues. Above it were two peices of black and white photography diagnally hung. A picture frame sat on the table though. It had black trimminng on it so it wasn't to yard to miss in a white hallway. Harry was sitting on the green dinosaur slide. Lyla inbetween his legs. Lauren stood behind him. It was fall in the picture. They all wore jackets and scarfs. Harry's cheeks were rosy matching with his nose.

Something sparked inside of me. I had no idea where it came from or where it was. But it clicked and I suddenly knew the answer to Harry's question. I grabbed my cell phone from the kitchen and dialled the familar number. I had ignoredthe number. Annoyed it. Erased it. Gave it away. Protected it. I had known this number by heart.

"Louis?" I heard a scream from the background coming from the girls laughing. I smiled to myself.

"Hello?" I snapped from my thoughts of what the three could be doing.

"Harry?"

"That's my name," He laughed. Oh my god that laugh. Everything. Harry wasa god.

"I-"