you got the same eyes as your father, and you carry the same kind of tempter too

Chapter 1 - Chrysanthemum

It was often said that there were five stages of grief.

Denial.

Anger.

Bargaining.

Depression.

Acceptance.

Julian wished it was that easy. From the moment he'd answered the phone, there was no time to grieve at all. He grabbed his keys, he drove, he parked, he ran into the hospital.

And then he was a father.

They'd already joked time and time again about how he was little Daisy's real daddy. Robyn liked to send him stupid memes and even got him a t-shirt saying « i'm the daddy », to match with her own « i'm the mommy » shirt. He'd threatened to burn the thing until he saw little Daisy's « i'm the baby » t-shirt. How she'd managed to find such a tiny shirt, Julian still didn't know.

He'd been there through the pregnancy, held her hands as she screamed because of contractions, and even took it upon himself to baby-proof the apartment while Robyn took a nap on the couch.

Julian had been there for his friend, and had promised to be there for as long as she needed him. He held Daisy and rocked her to sleep, he fed her and burped her, even changed her diapers. He loved the child as much as any uncle would.

Then Robyn had the audacity to die.

Clarisse would scold him for thinking ill of the dead, but he couldn't help it, not as he drove through 7am traffic with a wailing baby in the backseat. Robyn had gone and died and left him with a baby and an open best friend spot.

There was no time for grief, not when you woke up and realized you had to raise a child while studying law, all by yourself. Especially not when said child was not even a year old, and already spending nights in the hospital.

The crash had killed Robyn near on impact, but Daisy had survived by pure chance and determination on her mother's part. Her body had shielded the baby the best it could, saving her life. But it still meant she needed to be under watch at the hospital for a few weeks. Julian seldomly left the hospital during that time. He stayed awake, pacing the corridors, going through a million possibilities.

The case worker had already told him he'd been named as Daisy's guardian, though it wasn't much of a surprise. It had always been a given that he would take care of her, should something happen to Robyn. But at that time, they'd thought of a broken leg, an illness, or anything else really. Not for her to die mere months later.

And so, he was faced with a decision to make. Were he to adopt Daisy, there would be inspections and interviews and legal documents to fill. He'd have to balance life between studying and parenting, not to mention his future internship and his (already dead) social life.

Were he to give her up... Try as he might, he would probably never see her again, or even hear about her. She'd be swallowed up by the system, and even with his efforts, chances were very low of her actually getting properly adopted and cared for.

Robyn didn't have any remaining family that could take the child. Her foster sister was an ocean away, and traveled for a living. Her foster father had disappeared completely after his retirement, much to Robyn's delight.

Daisy's father, however...

''We understand the father is... not in the picture?''

''No, no... He..'' Julian swallowed with difficulty, ''he left before the baby was born. I don't even know his full name or how to contact him.''

The social worker had given him an uneasy smile, and wrote down something in her files. Julian hadn't dared look into her eyes.

Now here he was, trying to put tiny boots onto Daisy's tiny feet. She kept wiggling them and making dumb baby faces, and he had gotten distracted more than a few times, too weak not to poke her cheeks.