'I' Poems - A Collection

I Fear...

October 9th, 2023

  I fear that I am too full of love. Too full that it bursts at my seams, and violently claws its way up my throat. In my stomach does it sit in a toxic acid, and I feel that I am festering with its reflux that it never allows just a simmer. Just a painful strike of emotion that swarms me like a disease.

  I fear that I am too full of love. Too full that it takes over my senses like a psychedelic, except the hallucinations are my fictitious delusions. I'm high on a lovesick curse, and I tempt myself to reach for the heights of it. I am overdosed without treatment, for I feel that I am left to pass at the deeds of my own hand.

  I fear that I am too full of love. Too full, and too blinded by it that I lack the clear conscience to remember its roots. For I am just a child, longing to feel the reciprocated feelings, so I chase after an artificial one. I feel that I am deserving of love, but tremble at the thumping tune in the back of my mind that repeats mantras of hate like a melody in turn to me.

  I fear that I am too full of love. Too full that when I part with it, I leave claw marks in its place. I love too aggressively, and too obsessively that my heart aches of pain in the moments after its departure. I feel as though I am a burning hunger, never just satisfied after a quoted 'filling course'.

  I fear that I am too full of love. So full that I can't remember a moment where I felt it normally. It is my curse, and my birthright, to be able to feel this like a cruel joke. I am brought up by generations of an incessant love, but never an honest one. I feel that I am forever burdened with this premonition that maybe I was never destined to feel it genuinely, but to only ever see it shown in fragments around me.

  I feel like I am born in this sponge of feeling, that it soaks it all up, but is just as easily left behind as scraps. I fear that it is all I'm meant for, and that frightens me eternally.

-AL