The Foodie Cousin

Chapter 1

My phone rang and buzzed. I opened my eyes groggily and grabbed the phone from the desk next to my bed. I rubbed my eyes, and tried to focus at the name displayed on screen. Mum.

"...Mmm?" I said in cracked, half-asleep voice.

"Hey dear, how are you doing?"

"...Okay I guess? I finished work a bit late last night and had a drink with some friends. S'up
Mum? It's early Saturday morning and I want to sleep in some more."

"Pssh, it's past noon, dear. Lucky you've got your own place now. Else I need to drag your lazy arse off the bed. You know what they said even in weekend..."

"Mum. Mum. Can you get to the point please? I'm dead tired."

"Okay, okay. I'm about to. You remember Lillian's coming this afternoon, right?. I think she should arrive soon. You've got her room ready and dusted?"

Shit. I got mini heart attack before I remembered that I had had everything sorted out.

"Um.. yeah? Pretty much? It's been only over a month since I moved in here anyway, so everything's pretty much clean and tidy. I've got her room ready since Thursday night. Um. You know how I am, Mum."

"I know, dear. Just making sure. You'll take her around tonight? It'll be nice to show her around the city."

"Yeah I've got that covered too. I've made sure to have no appointment for tonight. Rest assured Mum."

"Ooh nice. Will you take her to a dinner? Consider it a date?"

That gave me a jolt. I was almost wide awake now.

"Mum. We've been over this. I'm single, true, but Lils is a cousin, 'member?"

"Yeah and like I told you it's fine for second cousins to marry. I googled yesterday, most families are okay with that. Besides, from Chinese tradition perspective it's fine as long as you two have different family names. She's not a Chen, 'member? She's a Huang."

"Still Mum. Isn't it like, dunno, incest? You don't think it's gross?"

"Isn't that popular nowadays though? With Game of Thrones and all that? Oh I LOVE that show. Anyways, I've checked and it should be fine. Some of my aunts married their cousins too with no apparent deformation to their children. Well, except if you count extreme cheapskate and heavy gossiper tendency as some sort of deformation which I find.."

Geez. Mum had no brakes for her mouth. Blink for a second and she would keep rambling on.

"...and what's more you got along when you were kids. You used to tease her a lot.." my Mum rambled on.

"Yeah, but still Mum. We were silly snot-nosed kids back then. I haven't met her in...what? Ages. I'm not even sure if she's single..."

"Oooh, ooh! You'll like her! I met her three months ago in her sister's wedding party and she told me she was single at the moment!" Mum interrupted and rambled on again. I groaned.

"She was extremely cute and energetic as ever. Not to mention she filled up nicely. Well, even bigger than before. That's exactly your type isn't it? A cute bubbly girl with more meat on her bones." My heart skipped a beat. "Well, a LOT of meat in Lils' case, but I for one don't mind some meat on my daughter-in-law. I'd love to have her as a daughter-in-law."

I felt my face burning. She hit a bullseye. It was an open secret in my extended family and friend circles that I was the resident chubby chaser. I always ended up dating chubby girls, even girls that some people would consider fat. They were okay with that thankfully. I thought most of my family members were pretty liberal and open minded, even the elders, but that didn't stop them teasing me about it. As for Lillian, I sometimes checked her social media stuff and she did look curvy if not meaty in her photos. I knew she's quite tall, and with that height I suspect she's easily over 100 kg. She hadn't posted a lot for a while though.

"Oooh I hit a jackpot didn't I? I take your silence as a yes then?"

"Mum..."

"Wanna bet? Give it a month tops and I guarantee you will be a couple by then. You will make such adorable couple. Finally I can see the faces of my grandchildren soon. Harry's out since he's gay. You're my only hope, Max."

This woman! She simply had no restraint didn't she? Oh she loved my brother Harry and all but she never stopped wailing about how she wouldn't likely see the faces of his children.

"Yeah, nah. Not happening, Mum. If nagging and teasing me are the only reasons you woke me up in this miserable morning then I've got better things to do."

"Afternoon, son, afternoon. Yeah you've got to prepare things for Lils anyway. Remember my words okay? If you're a couple by next month the latest then you owe me a trip to a cocktail bar..."

"Love you Mum. Bye"