i was on my way to the skatepark. i didn't expect her to show up. she had every right to ignore my text and leave me in the past.
she had every right to move on.
why was it so difficult for me to do the same?
if she were ever to move on, i told myself i would be happy for her. because i knew deep down she deserved someone better than me, someone who would love her and do right by her. but deep down i know that if she were to move on it would break my heart.
why was i being like this? i had no right to be the victim when it was ME that was making her feel like absolute shit.
i still can't fathom why i would say those things to her. i loved her so why couldn't i show it. why did i have to be such a fucking dick to her.
i needed to let her go. she should be able to be happy, i dont.
————-
(few months ago)
"know you hear these bitches talking, know that shit be for the birds
you're the only girl I've loved, fuck everything else you heard"
unstoppable - daniel caesar
i slammed the door behind me. i was so angry.
"what the fuck! can't you just let me live my fucking life kian?! i don't have to be with you every second of everyday!" she yelled.
"the least you could fucking do was text me back! i didnt know where you were!" i yelled back.
"KIAN MY FUCKING PHONE DIED! HOW THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO TEXT YOU BACK?!" she yelled.
"ASK SOMEONE TO BOROW THEIR PHONE! GOD! DO YOU NOT THINK?!" i yelled. "ALSO DONT YOU EVER THINK TO PUT ON SOME MAKEUP?! YOU KNOW HOW EMBARRASSING IT IS TO THINK THAT MY GIRLFRIEND IS OUT IN PUBLIC LOOKING LIKE THAT?!" i yelled.
she stayed silent. then i saw a tear roll down her cheek.
"oh come on ariannah! don't start with the crying!" i yelled.
she always found a way to make ME the fucking bad guy. i went in to give her a hug. she put her hands up.
"NO! don't you dare fucking touch me kian. it's true what everyone has been saying about you." she said as she began to cry even more.
"OH! COME ONE GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK! DONT YOU SEE WHAT THEY ARE TRYING TO DO?!" i yelled. i couldn't stop yelling. i was just so fucking angry.
"THEY ARE TRYING TO BREAK US UP. THEY ARE CAUSING US TO FIGHT LIKE WE ARE RIGHT NOW!" i said.
"THEY ARE TRYING TO MAKE US BREAK UP! YOURE FRIENDS AREnt GOOD FOR YOU THEY ARE LYING AND YOU ARE BELIEVING THEM!" i yelled.
———-
(ariannahs pov) (present)
when i was on my way to see him it bought up all of the memories. i thought i would never have to think of those again but here we are.
i remember a lot of that night the fight that ended our relationship. after that night we stopped talking. i never wanted to hear from him again. i was done with him.
i was so tired of him always trying to fight and always making me feel horrible about myself and my body.
————
"i wore makeup when we dated
'cause I thought you'd like me more
if I looked like the other prom queens
i know that you loved before"
enough for you - olivia rodrigo
"KIAN NOTHING I DO IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU! IM TIRED OF BEING PERFECT FOR YOU! MY FRIENDS HAVE BEEN THE ONLY ONES ABLE TO HELP TO DEAL WITH YOUR BULLSHIT!" i yelled.
it's true. i was tried.
i would always have to put makeup on for him. i would always have to watch what i was eating. he never let me enjoy my life.
"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME THE VICTIM ARIANNAH?! HAVE YOU NOT STOPPED TO THINK THAT MAYBE THIS IS YOUR FAULT?!" he yelled.
"i hate you kian. i fucking hate you." i said. j couldn't believe i said that. but i couldn't take it back.
he didn't say anything. he stood still.
i grabbed my stuff and i left slamming the door behind me.
i drove to carmen's house. i knew she would be there with lilianna and halle. they were people i needed.
i couldn't stop crying. there were tears all over my face. i didn't know weather i hated him or not. i wanted to. i wanted so badly to hate him after everything that he had done to me.
i remember a song began to play on the radio.
why don't u love me - wasia project
i've been here, waiting in the dark
i've been crying, while you've been flying
————-
ariannah pov (present)
in all honesty i don't remember anything else about that night.
i started to realize what i was doing.
why was i going to go see him? why was i giving him the satisfaction of seeing me when he was the one that made me feel like absolute shit.
then all of a sudden a song came on the radio.
why don't you love me - wasia project
i've been here, waiting in the dark
i've been crying, while you've been flying
the same song.
the same lyrics.
was it just a coincidence? it couldn't be, right?!
i didn't want to overthink it too much, it was most likely just a coincidence.
i was pulling up to the skatepark and i started to get a weird feeling in my stomach. i was just nervous of the though of seeing him again.
why did he want to talk? why did he reach out?
if i was being honest i didn't really want to talk to him but it felt like something was pushing me to come and see him.
i finally built up the courage to go and talk to him. i walked out and started to walk towards the area we used to always be in, i knew he would be there.
i got closer enough to where i could see him.
i didn't want him to hear me but of course i ended dropping my keys, which caused him to turn around and see me.
1055 words.
YOU ARE READING
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Romancehaving just gotten out of a toxic relationship, ariannah, makes a promise to herself that she is never going to find love again. that is until one day she sees a girl over the summer and is immediately infatuated. while reaching for the same book th...
