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"so when i die, which i must do. could it shine down here with you?" - mitski, my love all mine
everything had fallen apart for alianna, her heart had been shattered into a million pieces as the news spread among the family.
"did you know about it?" she turned to her brother with furrowed brows and tears dropping down her cheeks, "ali." he sighed, his face fell. "oh my god." her voice became shaky.
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she laid down next to her mom and josh — crying her eyes out. it was even worse that her own brother knew and didn't tell her.
she really thought that she could trust him, but it wasn't his fault, it wasn't his place to say. with tears rolling down her cheeks, and her hugging onto her mom tightly — the pain in her chest began to come back.
alianna felt so angry — maybe at the world. demanding to know why it had taken away one of the most important people in life from her.
she loved, loves. susannah so much — she couldn't comprehend the thought of losing her. and she couldn't understand the pain jeremiah and conrad would be going through.
do you ever feel like life is just one big rollercoaster? with endless ups and downs, sometimes you just wanna get off. but you know you can't. so you just let it take you to the top... and then throw you right back down. and you just have to take it, that's exactly how alianna felt.
she just wanted to get off the ride, with everything going on she wanted to get off. but she couldn't. she had to be the bigger person and stick through it. but how could she?
as she rolled over onto her side, she saw conrad walk into his bedroom. "i'll be back." she got up from the bed leaving her mom and brother.
she was tired of trying to be strong and act like everything was okay when it wasn't. but she also had to be there for her family. so she took a deep breath and walked over to check on conrad.
"hey, i know things are really hard right now, but i'm here for you." she said with a comforting smile. conrad didn't say much in response. his eyes were red and swollen from crying and he seemed like he was trying not to break down again.
alianna could tell that he appreciated having her there though, even if he wasn't ready to open up yet. for a moment, the two of them just stood there in silence until conrad finally spoke up. "thank you." he said softly.
"i'm sorry." he spoke gently. alianna looks up at him, "for what?" her gaze softens. "for not telling you."
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in the dining room, the three family's eat take out and pasta because pasta is the only laurle can cook without burning it.
everyone acted like nothing happened, but something did happen. alianna tried her best to put on a smile but just couldn't.
as the other were quick to shove food into their mouths — like steven. she sat there, in silence.
"are you gonna eat? i got your favourite ice cream?" belly smiles, pushing the tub of strawberry ice cream towards alianna. "i guess so." she gives in not wanting to cause a scene.
conrad noticed how alianna was acting, under the table he grabs her hand and holds it. she felt a comforting touch of relief and took a deep breath in before eating the dessert.
everyone was laughing and smiling, even though alianna had a smile on her face, deep down she was hurting.
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alianna and conrad sit on the beach under the pink clouds. "i can't believe she said yes." conrad smiled. "you did it. you changed her mind." she rested her head on his shoulder, looking at the ocean.
finally, susannah gave in and was going to go through treatment even if she didn't want to. it was for the best, it was for the family.
"oh, it wasn't me. that was jere, he did it." he corrected her. "ali, i'm sorry for being shitty all summer." he spoke quickly, and alianna lifted her up to look at him.
she shakes her head, "i mean, you were going through this all alone." she stammers, "i wish you had told me so you didn't have to."
"i wanted to. i really fucking wanted to." his voice softens, "but i couldn't put that on you."
his head tilts towards her but she looks away back at the waves crashing against one another. "um, we should go in." alianna says.
"there's so many things i wanna say to you." conrad looks deeply into her hazel eyes. "don't. not now." she says as she stands up, "why?" he asks copying her.
she sighed as she observed him standing near to her. when he was already suffering with one of the hardest times of his life, she didn't want anything else to begin.
"you need somebody who'll actually help you right now." she shakes her head at the thought it. "i don't just need somebody." conrad tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear.
they stand face to face, "i need you." the words echo in alianna's ears. did he really just say that? she looks at conrad and thinks about how he had changed so much over the past couple months, then turns her head to face him.
her lips form the words, "i don't want you to need me, conrad." her eyes locked in his, "i want you to want me."
conrad stares intently into alianna's eyes, "i do want you." he holds her face in his hand and slowly leans to kiss her.
she leans in and kisses him passionately, which starts a new flame to ignite the love that they both shared. she knew she could count on conrad, she really wanted him.
he presses his forehead against hers, the young couple continues to kiss under the pink and orange clouds with the waves crashing in the background.
in this moment, alianna realised if this can happen, maybe anything can. she could feel the sparks fly.
lish speaks !
i think that was the best fucking ending i've ever written (that's the only ending i've ever written.)
real ending is, what team were you?
thank you so so much for coming along this wonderful journey with me. sparks fly has officially come to end which is one of the most hardest things to say.
i put my everything into this book, into these characters, into the storyline and into my baby - alianna connors.
i have no clue what i would do without my readers and supporters. i hope you enjoyed this book and pray that ill be able to write book/season 2 !
