Apocalyptic Love

Numb

Numb.

It was the only word I could use to describe the feeling pulsating through my body as I watched over the mound of dirt that has become my friend. I didn't speak. I didn't feel, I just watched. The wound on my shoulder hurt, but not as much as watching a bright life being succumbed to a grave.

Death was inevitable but having to watch it happen took parts of you; nothing can describe the pain of watching the life slowly drain from someone until nothing is left. The fatalities were low considering, the wounded tended to their damaged with the help of the doctor, but we were all grieving something.

Sitting separated from the group I listened to the chaos building as they bickered back and forth; it had been nonstop since the attackers fled. Matt was at the front, running his palms along the dark purple bruises scattered across his jawline. Brent was next to him pacing with his weapons still in his hands, dried blood still itching his skin. Carter was leaning against the wall keeping his eyes focused on me at all times as if I was about to break; I wasn't shutting him out, I was shutting myself out.

"I say we go after them, finish every last one of them before they come back" Brent argued "They don't deserve to live" he was hurting, and the only way he thought he could heal was with death.

Sandra spoke next, her face calm "It's finished, they ran. Their leader is dead, we don't need any more loss".

I was fuelling as I watched them bicker, I couldn't take much more.

An older man spoke up looking to the crowd "I'm with Brent, we need to finish them".

For what felt like hours they argued, but none of them saw the bigger picture. They wanted vengeance, yes. But walking into another battle after we barely made it out the last, they were letting their emotions cloud their judgement and eventually it would get them killed.

"Shut up!" I screamed louder than I anticipated "Just shut up" The crowd turned to me, watching as I pulled myself from the floor, my voice was breaking but I didn't care I just needed it all to stop. Carter was already inching closer to me when I started talking again "It was just about me. Thomas is dead, them people were just followers and without him they won't come back" My boyfriend squeezed my shoulder, and I leaned into him needing his warmth "We lost so much today and if we do this, we will lose so much more. It was just about him and he's dead now, so please stop arguing".

I stormed out feeling the room closing in on me, I welcomed the breeze against my sore skin and let out a stark breath I hadn't realised I was holding. My mind was controlling my body and I let it. I walked out of the gates carrying a bottle of fuel; Thomas's body was still laid in the graveyard outside the walls, the dark red blood staining the concrete underneath.

I stared at his lifeless body, searching for any part of my father but all I saw was a man who took everything from me.

The tanned liquid soiled his clothes as I emptied the bottle above him; with a click of a match his body was enclosed in thick red flames scorching every inch of his corpse. A hand intertwined with mine as I watched the inferno grow higher until I couldn't see him anymore, all that was left of him was harsh memories.

Carter's hands cupped my cheeks slowly walking me away from the dust and that's when the walls broke, my body slowly collapsed to the floor while he sunk with me. When my knees hit the concrete a sob slipped my throat, breaking the barrier I forced up to block my feelings. "Let it out baby, I've got you" he whispered over and over again as I screamed into his chest, gripping his shirt as each feeling overwhelmed me.

"It should have been me" I cried against him listening to his steady heartbeat.

"Don't ever say that" his hands pushed my face up until I was staring at him "We all knew what we was walking into, okay. It was him that did this, and I know it hurts but you can get through this Katie" Tears were brimming his own eyes as he watched me break down "Melanie loved you so much and she fought for you, you need to do the same for her".

The days following were torture; each time my eyes closed I watched her body dropping to the floor, my father appearing from the darkness. I woke up in mounts of sweat and tears; Carter holding me until the sobs stopped and the exhaustion took over again. It was an endless cycle, and I was drained. All I wanted was to escape the harsh reality we were living, but I knew it would take time.

Each morning I would sit at Melanies grave, talking to her about how I was feeling, and I knew the only reply I would get was silence. But I could hope wherever she was she could hear me, and she was at peace.

It had to be better than this cruel world.

Edited