To Brew A Scandal by stars_in_motion

Chapter 1

- NOT MY STORY!! ALL CREDITS TO @stars_in_motion ON A03!!

Mr. Crookshanks was not above a good hard day's work. There were a number of jobs available for him to choose from. The apothecary was hiring, he had heard so from an old friend, unaware of the details of Mr. Crookshanks' struggles with finding employment. Had he considered inquiring at the Leaky Cauldron? Or even Borgin and Burkes, where wares were as weird and worrisome as their employees.

It was the simple fact that not a single one of these locations would hire him for any job. Not for sweeping the back of the store, stirring a potion mindlessly, or helping assist with infirmed patients at St. Mungo's. Because although he was assuredly a wizard, no one would hire a wizard that did not graduate from Hogwarts, and Mr. Crookshanks hadn't graduated from Hogwarts. Indeed, Mr. Crookshanks had been expelled, and his wand snapped.

For what he did (or did not) do to deserve it, Mr. Crookshanks could not tell you. For an unbreakable vow got its name from somewhere, didn't it? And so the secret remained kept, and his chance at graduating vanished when he was only fourteen years old. He mourned the fact that they insisted on snapping his wand more so than the education he had lost. Hogwarts itself was a bore. Mr. Crookshanks was never a particularly brilliant wizard; there had been many years of wondering if he was, in fact, a squib. The idea bothered his father infinitely more than it ever bothered him. In his father's effort to coax the magic out of him, Mr. Crookshanks nearly drowned on three separate occasions, broke an arm and two fingers, and suffered a moderate concussion all before the age of nine.

After his failure at boarding school in Scotland, his father refused his return home, choosing instead to confund the muggle headmaster of a small, remote private school in Ireland. Mr. Crookshanks was enrolled the very next day. It was there he learned basic muggle mathematics, some very interesting muggle history about the Napoleonic wars, and Catholicism. So much Catholicism.

"They say it was his short stature that led to his madness," one of his professors had said, referring to Napoleon and giving Mr. Crookshanks a rather nasty sideways glance from the corner of his eye. Mr. Crookshanks, who could freely admit he was a rather short man, displayed a remarkable amount of effort in ignoring the pointed remark to his height.

His basic education saw him through the difficult trials of life. Following the conclusion of traditional schooling, he had made his own way; overseas, in the countryside, throughout the various cities of Europe. Much of that was to avoid unwillingly roping himself into one of the largest Wizarding wars in history. What would either side do with him, a half-blood with barely a third-year education and nothing beyond basic wand skills to show for it?

Having worked in the lower bridges of a trans-Atlantic ship, in various factories across London, and even done some eavesdropping for a minor gang or two, Mr. Crookshanks was growing tired with the excitement. He only wished to risk his life measurably less in order to earn his wage. In need of a suitable profession, he quickly turned to reforming into a butler at the recommendation of a friend.

He learned all there is to know about the profession and grew to be rather good at it too, if he did say so himself. Announcing guests, prowling the home for things that needed attending to, and chasing rodents and other vermin out of the estate. Negotiating with vendors, ensuring the home was well regarded and the staff was pleased, spying on visitors, and keeping his ear close to the ground for traitors. Yes, Mr. Crookshanks was good at all those things, because Mr. Crookshanks was not afraid of any muggle man or wizard.

Though no wizarding family would hire him, Mr. Crookshanks easily found employment in the muggle world. After a few years of serving a wealthy elderly couple in the countryside, he ventured to London, roaming for a new post within the bustling city. Following the death of his father years ago, and his sizable savings, he was in no rush to return to work. For the first time in his life, he was looking for the perfect fit.