Poetry from a Coffee addict...♡✎☔︎︎☕︎

Misstakes...ᰔ (edited)

There are times that I cry... it's currently in the middle of the night...

I have tears...

and... I don't understand why... whenever I fix something or life's going well, when I'm actually feeling happy or find something that gives me joy... I make a mistake.. an honest mistake...

one.. just one is all it takes.. for everything to go black...

there are times when I put on this mask.. and I put on a show.. this is what I know... how to defuse the anger.. just pretend that it's not even there... I don't understand why... they're angry.. always so angry.. the bitterness.. I can feel it all around me...

why is it here..? in my house..? why do they show it around..?

it seems to have found a comfy place to stay... it doesn't seem to want to go away... when the anger comes... it comes in spurts... I don't actually know how to defuse it... I just apologize.. even if I'm not sorry.. cause it wasn't even my fault in the first place.. but I say it anyway.. cause it makes them feel better.. it brings some sort of fake peace so that I can at least breathe... and when I think it's all over... some sort of peace is back...

I let my guard down.. either it's the show or the act.. or maybe even the mask...

I make a mistake.. and the blackness.. is back...

despair then comes.. with frustration and fear.. lonelyness pairs with saddness.. we're best friends this year...

I wonder when the day will come.. when the mask is gone...

and I'm not afraid.. to make mistakes...

but the real question is who will I be...? cause I have no idea...

who the real me actually is...ᰔ