Forward Feelings

From the Beginning to End

You make me wonder if I'm doing the right things in my life. You make me wonder about the what ifs and all the possibilities of us being together. We started off not knowing each other. The first day of 7th grade, in 2nd period. That was the first time I saw you and knew I wanted you. You sat right in front of me and you would always turn around and try to talk to me. Talking to you and seeing your face was the only thing that made me happy in the day. You would always talk to me about stupid boy things but I didn't care as long as we were talking. I started obsessing over you. Which wasn't a good thing, since I knew you didn't like me the same way. Id always look for you at lunch and I started to find out a lot of things about you.

I knew your full name, everything about your family, and knew your whole schedule. I knew you mentally, you just never knew. I eventually was stalking you I tried to find out where you lived and would constantly check your Instagram comments. I was making sure you weren't talking to any other girls; and if you were talking to other girls I would secretly hate them. You were mine and only mine.

I'm too attached, but I'm scared to leave. I just want us I want everything with you. For the rest of 7th grade we didn't really talk. Actually not really you avoided me and I felt terrible. All during the summer you were always in the back of my mind. Something was telling me something was going to happen. Little did I know you were the love of my life.

8th grade started, didn't really see you much but then I realized I always bumped into you on my way to 6th period and leaving to go to 7th. You always stared at me like I was going to stalk you again but actually me and one of your best friends were always talking about you now like nonstop because you were going to become mine again. This time, I wasn't going to lose you.

We started talking but I was in the middle of a big thing with another guy. We'll just call him E. Now E meant a lot to me but I wasn't going to let it stop me from getting to you, I knew that whatever I was getting myself into it was worth it. E and I had a small thing since he claimed to be in love with me. Then he blew up and I wanted you. In a way I never left you though. While I was with E you were still talking to me like things with him never existed. Which was an amazing feeling because from that moment I had you and I felt special.

That first day we hugged, your arms around me was a dream come true. That night we went to the movies I will never forget. You were my first kiss and it made me fall in love with you even more. I didn't care if your family hated me, I wasn't going to lose you. Now to this day I struggle to keep you, to make an effort, and to know if when I wake up in the morning that I can text you and you be there for/with me.

I don't want to lose you, and I don't want to ruin things; I just want to keep pushing these feelings forward.