Harry Potter Oneshots

Not Ok (Fred .W)

Tags: angst, found family, platonic relationship.

Warnings: mentions of death, and mental health/grief. (again this is an older one so its kind of cheesy)

The days were getting longer, and harder. My exterior seemed fine, happy even. Yet deep down I felt like screaming, letting it all out. 'You're fine, everything is fine' I kept telling myself. How was it fine Fred was dead. He's gone, and there is nothing I can do about it, my friend since first year was... dead.

The worst part was the people. Telling me how sorry they were. People who didn't know him. My stomach turned, I was clammy, and there was a sour taste in my mouth. I hadn't had time to grieve his death properly. I wasn't even there when it happened, it felt like it was my fault, like I could have saved him. Even if that wasn't true, I couldn't help but tell myself it was.

Today I was heading to the Weasleys, to check up on them. I didn't know all of Fred's brothers but I knew Mrs. Weasley well. As I arrived I bit my lip, Fred's twin George was most likely going to be there, and in all honesty, it hurt looking at him, they have the same face, but not the same memories, he's not Fred. He is not the person who had sat with me when I had accidentally eaten some of his puking pastels, or who had hit my first ex-boyfriend with a bludger after he broke my heart, he wasn't the boy I loved and then lost.

I walked into the newly rebuilt burrow and was greeted by Molly.

"Hello Molly," I said hugging her tight.

"Hello dear" She hugged back.

As if on cue the rest of the Weasleys and a few others came from upstairs, including Angelina Johnson, the old girlfriend of Fred and new girlfriend of George. I clenched my fists seeing her. She had the world in her hands and she got over him in a month, WITH his brother.

The day went as well as it could, but now the hard part was coming night. I had been losing sleep from crying, but I had to hold it in now that I was rooming with Hermione and Ginny. After the lights were out I had nothing to distract me from my thoughts and nothing to keep my eyes from filling with tears, but I heard tears, not my tears, but Ginny's.

"Shh it's alright" whispered Hermione.

"He's gone, he's gone" Ginny cried.

"Ginny?" I bit my lip to prevent my tears. "oh Gin" I hopped off my cot and walked over to hug her.

"I don't know what I'm gonna do, Leslie" she sobbed.

"I... I don't know either" I said finally letting the tears spill. "I don't know what to do" I cried "Everyone is saying it's gonna be okay but I'm not okay, I wish we were kids again, its cliché but I remember coming over in the summer and feeling safe and now... now I don't feel safe... I feel like nothing is gonna be happy again" I sobbed hugging Ginny. "I'm not ok..."

Strangely I felt better crying with Ginny, we were family and that's all I needed. Family.