Falling

Chapter Six

TW// suicide mentions, self harm

Louis' Pov
"Hey, you're home late! Long day?" A familiar Irish accent spoke when I closed the front door behind myself, before walking into the kitchen.

"Hey, yeah. Sorry Niall, I stayed to help one of the patients fall asleep, he was having a hard time," I told my roommate as he walked over to the fridge.

"Is it the 'cute one'?" Niall asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Look Ni, I never should've said that, I can't think that way about a patient. Especially not one under my care," I replied, remembering the night before when I'd had a few beers and spilled about my little crush on Harry.

"Well, I dunno but you can't change your feelings," Niall replied.

"Yeah... but it's not like I can do anything about those feelings anyway," I sighed, grabbing a leftover pizza box from the fridge, and taking a slice.

"Yeah, I guess that's true." Niall reached over and grabbed a slice of pizza for himself as well, taking a bite. "I'm sorry mate, that really sucks," he said, his mouth full of pizza.

I couldn't help but cringe at the sight, "you gotta stop talking with your mouth full, it's disgusting," I laughed a little but quickly turned serious again. "But, it's okay. It is what it is."

Niall gave me one of his signature sympathetic smiles, and changed the subject. "I missed the footie match earlier, I was gonna watch it if you wanna join?"

"Actually I think I'm gonna go to bed, let me know who wins yeah?" I replied, I just had a lot on my mind and wanted to take a shower and get in bed.

"Yeah, for sure. G'night, I'll put this away," Niall said, gesturing to the pizza box.

I nodded, " 'night."

-

Harry's Pov

"Fuck this," I muttered under my breath as I left the therapist's office.

The lady I saw on Tuesday's and Thursdays didn't care, and neither did the Wednesday and Friday man.

I was certain they were only there for the paycheck, not for any other reason.

Why would I want to open up to people who didn't give a shit? Just so they could hold me there longer for being sick and tired of life?

There was only one person in the whole fucking place that seemed to care about me, and it wasn't a therapist, or doctor. It was my nurse, Louis.

When I got back to my room, Louis was there waiting outside the door. "Hey there, did you sleep alright the rest of the night last night?" He asked me, with a warm smile.

"I did," I lied, it had actually been a horribly long night.

"Good to hear, well I got you something." Louis smiled, pulling out a bag of Haribo gummy bears from the pocket of his jacket.

He remembered my favorite candy.

"Thank you so much," I couldn't help the smile that spread on my face.

It felt foreign to actually smile.

"You're welcome love, you deserve it. I know the food here is pretty shit," Louis told me with a wink.

"You can say that again," I mumbled, taking the bag from him, and in that moment, I don't know what came over me, but I wanted to talk. Like really wanted to talk about my feelings for once. "Actually, wait. Can I talk to you? It's okay if not, I know you're busy and-"

He cut me off, putting his hand on my shoulder. It was gentle, and warm. I could've melted. "Of course you can, wanna sit down?" He asked.

I nodded and he took a seat at the chair of my small desk, and I sat on my bed. I pulled my knees to my chest, and sat like that for a moment, resting my chin on my legs. I didn't know how to start, but he was patient. He let me take my time, didn't press me.

Technically, I knew he wasn't supposed to ask for answers. But, somehow I knew he wouldn't press me to tell him anything regardless.

"I don't even really know what to say, I just. I had the worst dreams last night, it made it so hard to sleep." I admitted.

He nodded gently, giving me a supportive, kind smile as he waited for me to continue.

"And well, I dunno I guess they weren't really dreams." I sighed, biting down on my thumbnail.

"No?" He asked, curious and genuine.

I nodded, "I think they were more like flashbacks. It's always the worst moment of my life that come back to haunt me at night."

"I can't imagine how that just feel," Louis said. "It's gotta be pretty scary huh?"

I nodded quickly. "It is. Well, sometimes. Not all of it is scary, some of it just hurts. It hurts so fucking bad."

He nodded, being very sympathetic. I could see it in his eyes that he truly cared.

I didn't know if I could be fully open with him yet, I'd never been fully open with anyone before. But I knew I could at least try, so I decided to trust him with one small thing.

"One of the things that returns to me at night, is the first night that I was alone. After my family died in the accident, that first night in the center... it was the very first time I ever felt truly alone. I mean, since I was only five and had a happy, safe family, I'd never felt all alone like that."

He nodded, reaching over and putting a hand on my thigh, before quickly pulling it back, realizing what he'd done.

"Sorry, sorry.. I.. I wasn't thinking," he mumbled, and I could see the stress in his previously calm face.

"No, no it's okay," I nervously took his hand and put it back on my thigh. "It makes me feel safe," I admitted quietly.

Talking about being alone, while having someone right there, having contact and connection, it felt like the most wonderful contrast. In that moment I felt like I could tell him just about anything.

Hey guys, sorry for the wait! I hope you enjoyed the chapter, please vote and comment, or even share it if you want! It means so so much to us 💛-stella